Not Only!!....
theSam!!
not only....theBarTenderzBestFriend!!
but her bestPal’s ReboundGuy’s, 2nd InetServiceTech come-visit theApt 4x one summer, who’s DeliSandwichMaker / Stop-n-Rob StoreClerk’s, former 2nd Exhusband’s LineChefBoss 3yrs in a row,
but got demoted to iceCreamShopClerk, turned PastryChef / DMO / Unemployed!!'s, exHairDresser recentBarber and villageWitchDoctor of a Therapist, ranked #9 (on average) in theMySpaceFriendsList!!.... of her worst enemy twice Reinstated and removed!!
----------
Uhmm
What!? !!
----------
theSam!!
not only....that!!
but apparently a whole lot more too!!
----------
theSam!!
not only....drinking at his HomeBar!!
but apparently now drinking weekly at someone elses bar too!!
*hiccup...*
---------
theSam!!
not only....“Building, Blending, Stirring and Shaking” drinks!!
but doing these SAME things to his friends lives as well!!
While they “Flame” away at theMuddler!!
and “Layer” on a double “Chill”upon theDryIngredient!!
faster than a fruitFly!! spirals to it’s demise in a zestyCurl tighter than a CitrusFruitPeelSpiral!!
----------
theSam!!
not only....theBarTenderzBestFiend!!
but apparently now herOwn worst enemy!!
(after arresting her, booking her, etc)
-----------
theSam!!
not only....theLivingRoomSofa’s soleOccupant!!
but apparently sleeping with theRoomie / CoWorker of said BestFiend!!
d:oP
-------------
theSam!!
not only....in very very, VERY bigTroubleMr!!
but on theBad side of MIL!!’s
erhh... Mothers I Like!!
------------
theSam!!
not only....Not wearing thePants!!
but holding them aside, taunting everyone like thatGuy!! does at subways foodShops!!
btw, what’s he doing with MY pants!! ?!
-----------
theSam!!
not only....Making it through hisOwn episodes!!
but ExecutiveProducing, CoWriting, StarringIn, Developing, StoryBoardWriting and SharpieMarker-Editing!! a few “VillageSodes!!” for everyone else too.
just check out theProduct!! at AlaskaVillageTales!!
--------------
theSam!!
not only....Going home and getting Pwned!!
but doing it before He even goes home!!
-----------
theSam!!
not only....laughing at BellyButtonShots!!
but eating Steak & Sides w/ Pie & IceCream while doing it!!-while he’s reading about it.
-----------
theSam!!
not only....Combing theBeach!!
but also gelling and combing his own hair too!!
Before hitting theCoastalTrail to kickRocks at cyclists while daydreaming of
combing theDesert!!
---------
theSam!!
not only....theBarTenderzBestFriend!!
but her Stylist, herPhotographer, herDriver!!, herComplainant / Defendant, and her wayHome!! too
---------
theSam!!
not only....cooking!! with theStarChef!!
but washing herPans!!, herDishes!!, herFloors!!
(and still using herLustrousBlondeHair!!),
herLaundry!! herDogs!! and herCar!!
oh..
and now and then....herFace!! too
---------
theSam!!
not only....getting Pretty at ClosingTime!!
but getting prettyLoud!!, prettyLame!!, prettyDumb!!, prettyIntoxicated!!
prettyAnnoying!!, prettyMuch-a-Pain!!
and yet his combedHairs neat as a pin!!
--------
theSam!!
not only....living in Paradise!!
but also living in theHood!!, living in a MessyApt!!, livingQuietly!!,
but living anotherDay in theSamePair-of-Pants!! too,
---------
theSam!!
not only....is theWorldHisLobster!!
theVillage!! his Wineyard!!, theSledDog’s his targetBackStop!!,
---------
theSam!!
not only....are his jeans theBestSEAT!! in theHouse,
but plant your foot right there!!
everyone else does - proverbially.
-sad- d:o(
---------
theSam!!
not only....does his ToothBrush & Floss “REACH”,
but on PayDays, quite frankly,
so does everyone else.... for his Pockets!!
---------
theSam!!
not only....will his writingStyle get worse!!
but it’ll get much better - at getting worse while still getting bad and staying theWorstess!!
----------
theSam!!
not only....theBrandyFizz!!
but thePartyFizz too, and theWetBlanket!!
----------
theSam!!
not only....packed withFeatures!!
his features are Packed w/Nose!! - and a Lakota one at that!!
---------
theSam!!
not only....does Brandy snifter!! she sniffs Him!!
and insists he take off that hideous uniformCoverAll!!
and leave theBoots outside!!
-----------
theSam!!
not only....drinking thePMS Special!!
but unfortunately on theReceiving end of it too!! -sad- d:o(
---------
theSam!!
not only....losing hisFlavor by theBedPost everynight,
but getting tied to it as well!!
----------------------------------
Bad Humor
(as found by theSam!! while recently surfing theNet!!)
Rules of Etiquette, Parts 1 & 2
Part 1: DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff about you on the men's room door two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11 p.m., others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
Part 2: DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
---------------------
Now it Gets EVEN WORSE!! d:oO -scream!!-
theSam!! sez:
theRules of Ehh!!
Part 1: VillageDating
(remember, there might be a bornOnDate on every VillageChick!!
but there is never an expirationDate!!
There’s only an “UseBy....!!” warning label, and often theGoods have been well used by time You get to them,, erh.. to Her!!)
1. Always offer to let her walk point when hunting, especially on the firstDate!!
and if she’s a “Rightie” like most of us, then you let HER walk AHEAD and to YOUR LEFT so that your Rifle can CoverHer as well as her sector,
theExtra time it takes for her to “soundShoot” after you trip over a treeRoot or step on a popCan!! will ensure precious half seconds or at least an 16th of an one and oneHundredth of a fractions Split 2nded second that is one-third..
ah what the hell, Just dive DIVE behind a tree!!
2. And always remember to NEVER go ptarmigan, rabbit or BOOZE hunting with a FirstDate!!
maybe on the 3rd or 8th, but never on the2nd,
cos she’ll slip from ya’ and you’ll find her 2hrs later sitting in theBerryBushes after she’s killed her stash and smoked everything up!!
You can just “pretend” to go hunting, but never shoot anything on the first date,
Remember that she’s still in theHoneyMoon!! phase with you, but you’ll call it “OverDrawnBankAccount” or theDept Stores will call it, “NSF”!!
3. Be assertive, but don’t go overboard!!
(but first Get herPermission!!)
women love men in uniform - especially a VillageChick!!
at least give her theImpression that you ARE a Man and maybe she’ll respect more than theVPSO yoonie!!
Assertiveness beyond kicking her family’s door in at 0400hrs just to sack theHouse!! for that 1/2litre Rum that was dranked up by her last week isn’t gonna score any points with her in theAssertiveness dept,
although Her Brothers will be impressed and will repeat YOUR performance next time THEY go out on theVillage!! drinking and shooting up thePlace!!
No no... for now you’re Mr NiceGuy who pulls yellow fluffyChixxx!! from his Pockets, who spends hours and hours with her all week watching Soaps and Oprah, whom drops her off at school and picks her up afterwards,
whom talks of FuzzyBunnies (even if it’s YOU with cheeks stuffed full of Marshmallows), whom pisses Kittens, just bleeds yummy gummyRed Hearts and shits vibrant Rainbows!!
.... where was I?!
oh..
Only go overBoard when you go OutBoarding!!
take her for a spin on theLake!! with thePatrolBoat or with anyone's boat really,
even if it’s YOU this time, that has to cut theLine to theBest looking Outboard on shore and you have to siphon gas from yourOwn vehicle to run it,
You are trying to “woo” a hotVixen!! here,
there’s nothing you won’t do for her,
not even hesitating to go “OverBoard” and do some swim antics for her in theLake!!
Remember, there is a reason you had hands tied behind your back and your feet were tied and you were DrownProofed while in theNavy!! - This IS IT!!
ehh. but just watch how long you stay IN theLake!! cos if any of her relatives see you swimming around like a crazedOtter like what One Certain Officer in PimentoVillage!! did his first summer there when he was swimming in Oct!!
while his villageKidz!! were huddled around a bonfire trying to keep warm,
your sanity, your reason and your judgement will forever be questioned.
Keep close eye on your YoungSweetheart!! too,
to include carefully watching her shy Averting, darting, glancing glittery madeUp eyes!!
Her Horizontal GazeNystagmus / HGN involuntary eye reflex action thing-amuch-You-call-it that theStateTroops taught at Academy,
Cos, we all inadvertantly glance at what we’ve put away, hidden, stashed or what we keep secret, etc
So you’ll want to watch her when you’re hunting or fishing, hiking, boating, driving etc.
Just ask theSam!!, coz when he talks,
He’ll scan you quickly for tellTale food signs, crumbs, ketsup stains, pop or alcohol drops and he’ll make an Accurate assessment of what you had to eat, where, how long ago, how much it cost and who cooked it!!
But he’s really just thinking of his PopTarts, his blueBoxMilk, his candyBars and waterBottles tucked away inside his bulletVest,
that’s part of theReason why he’s so big!! He’s really all food and liquid!!
By now, once you start Dating HER!!
you can safely assume that she’s yours and you can now smudge over or erase that lewdLymerick and change thePhoneNumber on theBathRoomStall, what YOU wrote about her two years ago!!
4. Establish!! is a word that is in any villageChixxx!! lexicon by age 2...... Months that is.
Whether it’s an “Dining” establishment, a “Drinking” establishment or an “Correctional Facility” establishment,
heck!!, it can even be an “FoodBank / Shelter / JobBank!!” establishment and she’s already been trained just for YOU!! .............most likely by her Parents, sadly d:o(
So, as theAbove joke says,
Establish theReturnTime with herParents when she’s expected back home in theVillage!!
It can be 11pm, it can be 5am,
it Can Be Monday!!, or it can even be 2 or 5yrs later on a Thur evening!! (after she gets out for DrugPossession!!)
You just have to get into theHabit of habituating her habitual!! parents into a habit of having a bit of “wait & see” while they wait for theReturnOfTheVillageChick!!
And if you DO HAPPEN to get theGirl!! back to school on Mon,
clean her Trike up, fix her handleBarTassels and for goodness sakes let her use YOUR spideyMan or PowerPuffGirls!! backPack,
Regardless of what time you get her back home, you’d better have all HerHomework done!! all her tests and quizzes written out and,
as one officer in a CertainVillage!! had to do,
3 of hisVillageChixxx!! had their HighSchoolDiplomas, their collegeAssociates waiting for them upon Release!!and theSa... erh
their BoyFrend was halfway through a summerInternship and finishing up on a DoctorateThesis
“Environment Encroachment Usage, Affeesements, Torts Upon Water & ByWays RightOfWays Indicative of Migratory and Seasonal Reclamation Acts!!” for his girls.
Basically theOfficer!! was studying BootLeggers and how they traveled by air / land / and water, and how they’ll use “trespassing rules”, tribalCourts laws
and various “stay off our property” speeches to any Officer attempting to stem theFlow of AlcoholImportation into theVillage!! by following them, heading them off at thePass!! or setting up checkPoints etc. etc. etc.
Hey!!, ya gotta talk about what ya’ know!!
Part 2: DiningOut!!
You need to treat theWine!! with kidGloves,
Just pretend theWineBox!! is one of those pesky PortaKidz!!,
the ElectronicOnes that you had to carry for a week while your villageChick!! girlFriends were “learning” how to care for a realLifeBaby!!
They immediately hired YOU for a Nanny and took off after leaving “theMicrophone” portion of theBabyMonitor!! with you,
any time you got within 5miles of theVillageChickMotherz!! they could pick up a signal and clue in on where you were and what you and theKidz!! were doing,
although it was fun to have storyTime and Charades, watching Elmo Visit theZoo!! you’ll never miss theIncessantCrying!!..........of theVillageChixxx!!
Or better yet, just pretend theWineBox!! is one of those pesky VillageCouncil / favoredGrandchild-Kidz!!.
You’ll be so careful that you literally will be walking on BrokenGlass around these types of people. as they’ll undoubtedly be fighting openly with anyone,
to include YOU and they’ll fear no repercussions from their alcoholInfluenced / Drug Induced Rants and Threatenings,
but they will feel theWarmth and Softness of your TurtleSkinz armored SerchGlovz!!
and thePillowySatin-like foamCushionedGrip of your TelescopingBaton!! if they so much as lay a hand on you,
Just consider every PrisonerTransport to be like that 9thGrade Science experiment where everyone put eggs in a box and dropped them, looked inside to find a gooey runny mess,
and then you repeated theDropTest after taping your Eggs firmly in place inside theBox, and after you dropped it you observed no mess!! Just intact eggs!!
And theMoral!! of this EggDrop story would be to buckle yourself in while Transporting your Prisonerz!!,
let them bounce and lean, struggle to sit up and stay upright as you speed away from theVillage!!
So...
what does this all have to do with DiningOut!! ?!
well, think of it as this,
Your VillageChick!! girlfriend is no longer yourPrisoner, at least during theDate!!,
so you must treat her nicely and buckle her into theFRONTSeat of thePatrolVehicle,
she’s carrying EGGS that you want to protect!! d:oP, just in case a real lifeBaby!! will be coming from her soon!!
As for treating theWine withKidGloves and not bruising it.
Think of your newFlame!! as just that,
she’s a hot, burning pretty blue flame that you don’t want to put out by acting all “authoritarian” with her.
It’s much better to decant theWine!! from out of theBox!! while you pour slowly down her Gullet very carefully - so as not to bruise theWine!! or theEggs!!
And while you hold theWine!! with one hand, let her hold it with both of hers!!
After she drinks a lot of confiscated alcohol that you give to her she won’t want to eat!!, thus saving you Big bucks in theLong run which means more PopTarts and boxedMilk for you Mr!!
-----------
theSam!!
not only....theBarTenderzBestFriend!!
but theWhole darn village’s too on PayDay!!,
whenever having to Leave theVillage!!,
whenever so much as having steppedOUT of villageBoundaries!!,
then people who’ve never said “Boo!!” to you before will stop on theRoadWay to chat with you and shake your hand!!
-shheeeeesh!!-
d:o/
luvs,
theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
-alaskavillagetales-
not only....theBarTenderzBestFriend!!
but her bestPal’s ReboundGuy’s, 2nd InetServiceTech come-visit theApt 4x one summer, who’s DeliSandwichMaker / Stop-n-Rob StoreClerk’s, former 2nd Exhusband’s LineChefBoss 3yrs in a row,
but got demoted to iceCreamShopClerk, turned PastryChef / DMO / Unemployed!!'s, exHairDresser recentBarber and villageWitchDoctor of a Therapist, ranked #9 (on average) in theMySpaceFriendsList!!.... of her worst enemy twice Reinstated and removed!!
----------
Uhmm
What!? !!
----------
theSam!!
not only....that!!
but apparently a whole lot more too!!
----------
theSam!!
not only....drinking at his HomeBar!!
but apparently now drinking weekly at someone elses bar too!!
*hiccup...*
---------
theSam!!
not only....“Building, Blending, Stirring and Shaking” drinks!!
but doing these SAME things to his friends lives as well!!
While they “Flame” away at theMuddler!!
and “Layer” on a double “Chill”upon theDryIngredient!!
faster than a fruitFly!! spirals to it’s demise in a zestyCurl tighter than a CitrusFruitPeelSpiral!!
----------
theSam!!
not only....theBarTenderzBestFiend!!
but apparently now herOwn worst enemy!!
(after arresting her, booking her, etc)
-----------
theSam!!
not only....theLivingRoomSofa’s soleOccupant!!
but apparently sleeping with theRoomie / CoWorker of said BestFiend!!
d:oP
-------------
theSam!!
not only....in very very, VERY bigTroubleMr!!
but on theBad side of MIL!!’s
erhh... Mothers I Like!!
------------
theSam!!
not only....Not wearing thePants!!
but holding them aside, taunting everyone like thatGuy!! does at subways foodShops!!
btw, what’s he doing with MY pants!! ?!
-----------
theSam!!
not only....Making it through hisOwn episodes!!
but ExecutiveProducing, CoWriting, StarringIn, Developing, StoryBoardWriting and SharpieMarker-Editing!! a few “VillageSodes!!” for everyone else too.
just check out theProduct!! at AlaskaVillageTales!!
--------------
theSam!!
not only....Going home and getting Pwned!!
but doing it before He even goes home!!
-----------
theSam!!
not only....laughing at BellyButtonShots!!
but eating Steak & Sides w/ Pie & IceCream while doing it!!-while he’s reading about it.
-----------
theSam!!
not only....Combing theBeach!!
but also gelling and combing his own hair too!!
Before hitting theCoastalTrail to kickRocks at cyclists while daydreaming of
combing theDesert!!
---------
theSam!!
not only....theBarTenderzBestFriend!!
but her Stylist, herPhotographer, herDriver!!, herComplainant / Defendant, and her wayHome!! too
---------
theSam!!
not only....cooking!! with theStarChef!!
but washing herPans!!, herDishes!!, herFloors!!
(and still using herLustrousBlondeHair!!),
herLaundry!! herDogs!! and herCar!!
oh..
and now and then....herFace!! too
---------
theSam!!
not only....getting Pretty at ClosingTime!!
but getting prettyLoud!!, prettyLame!!, prettyDumb!!, prettyIntoxicated!!
prettyAnnoying!!, prettyMuch-a-Pain!!
and yet his combedHairs neat as a pin!!
--------
theSam!!
not only....living in Paradise!!
but also living in theHood!!, living in a MessyApt!!, livingQuietly!!,
but living anotherDay in theSamePair-of-Pants!! too,
---------
theSam!!
not only....is theWorldHisLobster!!
theVillage!! his Wineyard!!, theSledDog’s his targetBackStop!!,
---------
theSam!!
not only....are his jeans theBestSEAT!! in theHouse,
but plant your foot right there!!
everyone else does - proverbially.
-sad- d:o(
---------
theSam!!
not only....does his ToothBrush & Floss “REACH”,
but on PayDays, quite frankly,
so does everyone else.... for his Pockets!!
---------
theSam!!
not only....will his writingStyle get worse!!
but it’ll get much better - at getting worse while still getting bad and staying theWorstess!!
----------
theSam!!
not only....theBrandyFizz!!
but thePartyFizz too, and theWetBlanket!!
----------
theSam!!
not only....packed withFeatures!!
his features are Packed w/Nose!! - and a Lakota one at that!!
---------
theSam!!
not only....does Brandy snifter!! she sniffs Him!!
and insists he take off that hideous uniformCoverAll!!
and leave theBoots outside!!
-----------
theSam!!
not only....drinking thePMS Special!!
but unfortunately on theReceiving end of it too!! -sad- d:o(
---------
theSam!!
not only....losing hisFlavor by theBedPost everynight,
but getting tied to it as well!!
----------------------------------
Bad Humor
(as found by theSam!! while recently surfing theNet!!)
Rules of Etiquette, Parts 1 & 2
Part 1: DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff about you on the men's room door two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11 p.m., others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
Part 2: DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
---------------------
Now it Gets EVEN WORSE!! d:oO -scream!!-
theSam!! sez:
theRules of Ehh!!
Part 1: VillageDating
(remember, there might be a bornOnDate on every VillageChick!!
but there is never an expirationDate!!
There’s only an “UseBy....!!” warning label, and often theGoods have been well used by time You get to them,, erh.. to Her!!)
1. Always offer to let her walk point when hunting, especially on the firstDate!!
and if she’s a “Rightie” like most of us, then you let HER walk AHEAD and to YOUR LEFT so that your Rifle can CoverHer as well as her sector,
theExtra time it takes for her to “soundShoot” after you trip over a treeRoot or step on a popCan!! will ensure precious half seconds or at least an 16th of an one and oneHundredth of a fractions Split 2nded second that is one-third..
ah what the hell, Just dive DIVE behind a tree!!
2. And always remember to NEVER go ptarmigan, rabbit or BOOZE hunting with a FirstDate!!
maybe on the 3rd or 8th, but never on the2nd,
cos she’ll slip from ya’ and you’ll find her 2hrs later sitting in theBerryBushes after she’s killed her stash and smoked everything up!!
You can just “pretend” to go hunting, but never shoot anything on the first date,
Remember that she’s still in theHoneyMoon!! phase with you, but you’ll call it “OverDrawnBankAccount” or theDept Stores will call it, “NSF”!!
3. Be assertive, but don’t go overboard!!
(but first Get herPermission!!)
women love men in uniform - especially a VillageChick!!
at least give her theImpression that you ARE a Man and maybe she’ll respect more than theVPSO yoonie!!
Assertiveness beyond kicking her family’s door in at 0400hrs just to sack theHouse!! for that 1/2litre Rum that was dranked up by her last week isn’t gonna score any points with her in theAssertiveness dept,
although Her Brothers will be impressed and will repeat YOUR performance next time THEY go out on theVillage!! drinking and shooting up thePlace!!
No no... for now you’re Mr NiceGuy who pulls yellow fluffyChixxx!! from his Pockets, who spends hours and hours with her all week watching Soaps and Oprah, whom drops her off at school and picks her up afterwards,
whom talks of FuzzyBunnies (even if it’s YOU with cheeks stuffed full of Marshmallows), whom pisses Kittens, just bleeds yummy gummyRed Hearts and shits vibrant Rainbows!!
.... where was I?!
oh..
Only go overBoard when you go OutBoarding!!
take her for a spin on theLake!! with thePatrolBoat or with anyone's boat really,
even if it’s YOU this time, that has to cut theLine to theBest looking Outboard on shore and you have to siphon gas from yourOwn vehicle to run it,
You are trying to “woo” a hotVixen!! here,
there’s nothing you won’t do for her,
not even hesitating to go “OverBoard” and do some swim antics for her in theLake!!
Remember, there is a reason you had hands tied behind your back and your feet were tied and you were DrownProofed while in theNavy!! - This IS IT!!
ehh. but just watch how long you stay IN theLake!! cos if any of her relatives see you swimming around like a crazedOtter like what One Certain Officer in PimentoVillage!! did his first summer there when he was swimming in Oct!!
while his villageKidz!! were huddled around a bonfire trying to keep warm,
your sanity, your reason and your judgement will forever be questioned.
Keep close eye on your YoungSweetheart!! too,
to include carefully watching her shy Averting, darting, glancing glittery madeUp eyes!!
Her Horizontal GazeNystagmus / HGN involuntary eye reflex action thing-amuch-You-call-it that theStateTroops taught at Academy,
Cos, we all inadvertantly glance at what we’ve put away, hidden, stashed or what we keep secret, etc
So you’ll want to watch her when you’re hunting or fishing, hiking, boating, driving etc.
Just ask theSam!!, coz when he talks,
He’ll scan you quickly for tellTale food signs, crumbs, ketsup stains, pop or alcohol drops and he’ll make an Accurate assessment of what you had to eat, where, how long ago, how much it cost and who cooked it!!
But he’s really just thinking of his PopTarts, his blueBoxMilk, his candyBars and waterBottles tucked away inside his bulletVest,
that’s part of theReason why he’s so big!! He’s really all food and liquid!!
By now, once you start Dating HER!!
you can safely assume that she’s yours and you can now smudge over or erase that lewdLymerick and change thePhoneNumber on theBathRoomStall, what YOU wrote about her two years ago!!
4. Establish!! is a word that is in any villageChixxx!! lexicon by age 2...... Months that is.
Whether it’s an “Dining” establishment, a “Drinking” establishment or an “Correctional Facility” establishment,
heck!!, it can even be an “FoodBank / Shelter / JobBank!!” establishment and she’s already been trained just for YOU!! .............most likely by her Parents, sadly d:o(
So, as theAbove joke says,
Establish theReturnTime with herParents when she’s expected back home in theVillage!!
It can be 11pm, it can be 5am,
it Can Be Monday!!, or it can even be 2 or 5yrs later on a Thur evening!! (after she gets out for DrugPossession!!)
You just have to get into theHabit of habituating her habitual!! parents into a habit of having a bit of “wait & see” while they wait for theReturnOfTheVillageChick!!
And if you DO HAPPEN to get theGirl!! back to school on Mon,
clean her Trike up, fix her handleBarTassels and for goodness sakes let her use YOUR spideyMan or PowerPuffGirls!! backPack,
Regardless of what time you get her back home, you’d better have all HerHomework done!! all her tests and quizzes written out and,
as one officer in a CertainVillage!! had to do,
3 of hisVillageChixxx!! had their HighSchoolDiplomas, their collegeAssociates waiting for them upon Release!!and theSa... erh
their BoyFrend was halfway through a summerInternship and finishing up on a DoctorateThesis
“Environment Encroachment Usage, Affeesements, Torts Upon Water & ByWays RightOfWays Indicative of Migratory and Seasonal Reclamation Acts!!” for his girls.
Basically theOfficer!! was studying BootLeggers and how they traveled by air / land / and water, and how they’ll use “trespassing rules”, tribalCourts laws
and various “stay off our property” speeches to any Officer attempting to stem theFlow of AlcoholImportation into theVillage!! by following them, heading them off at thePass!! or setting up checkPoints etc. etc. etc.
Hey!!, ya gotta talk about what ya’ know!!
Part 2: DiningOut!!
You need to treat theWine!! with kidGloves,
Just pretend theWineBox!! is one of those pesky PortaKidz!!,
the ElectronicOnes that you had to carry for a week while your villageChick!! girlFriends were “learning” how to care for a realLifeBaby!!
They immediately hired YOU for a Nanny and took off after leaving “theMicrophone” portion of theBabyMonitor!! with you,
any time you got within 5miles of theVillageChickMotherz!! they could pick up a signal and clue in on where you were and what you and theKidz!! were doing,
although it was fun to have storyTime and Charades, watching Elmo Visit theZoo!! you’ll never miss theIncessantCrying!!..........of theVillageChixxx!!
Or better yet, just pretend theWineBox!! is one of those pesky VillageCouncil / favoredGrandchild-Kidz!!.
You’ll be so careful that you literally will be walking on BrokenGlass around these types of people. as they’ll undoubtedly be fighting openly with anyone,
to include YOU and they’ll fear no repercussions from their alcoholInfluenced / Drug Induced Rants and Threatenings,
but they will feel theWarmth and Softness of your TurtleSkinz armored SerchGlovz!!
and thePillowySatin-like foamCushionedGrip of your TelescopingBaton!! if they so much as lay a hand on you,
Just consider every PrisonerTransport to be like that 9thGrade Science experiment where everyone put eggs in a box and dropped them, looked inside to find a gooey runny mess,
and then you repeated theDropTest after taping your Eggs firmly in place inside theBox, and after you dropped it you observed no mess!! Just intact eggs!!
And theMoral!! of this EggDrop story would be to buckle yourself in while Transporting your Prisonerz!!,
let them bounce and lean, struggle to sit up and stay upright as you speed away from theVillage!!
So...
what does this all have to do with DiningOut!! ?!
well, think of it as this,
Your VillageChick!! girlfriend is no longer yourPrisoner, at least during theDate!!,
so you must treat her nicely and buckle her into theFRONTSeat of thePatrolVehicle,
she’s carrying EGGS that you want to protect!! d:oP, just in case a real lifeBaby!! will be coming from her soon!!
As for treating theWine withKidGloves and not bruising it.
Think of your newFlame!! as just that,
she’s a hot, burning pretty blue flame that you don’t want to put out by acting all “authoritarian” with her.
It’s much better to decant theWine!! from out of theBox!! while you pour slowly down her Gullet very carefully - so as not to bruise theWine!! or theEggs!!
And while you hold theWine!! with one hand, let her hold it with both of hers!!
After she drinks a lot of confiscated alcohol that you give to her she won’t want to eat!!, thus saving you Big bucks in theLong run which means more PopTarts and boxedMilk for you Mr!!
-----------
theSam!!
not only....theBarTenderzBestFriend!!
but theWhole darn village’s too on PayDay!!,
whenever having to Leave theVillage!!,
whenever so much as having steppedOUT of villageBoundaries!!,
then people who’ve never said “Boo!!” to you before will stop on theRoadWay to chat with you and shake your hand!!
-shheeeeesh!!-
d:o/
luvs,
theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
-alaskavillagetales-
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