theSam!! IS Bored!!

and to think that I live smack dab in theMiddle of CHAOS!! as we know it, it's called theVillage!!
------------------------

Date: May 15, 2008 7:25 PM
Subject: Because Sam!!'s Bored!!
d:oD

Body: 1 worn out, broken husk, battered and worn.
Size Double XXXLL, Extra Large Cranial Noggin, Bulbous nasal protuberance!!

Extras:
Baggage: in excess of 55lbs and 3 carryOns, 2 double chins, 1 Jowl!!
2 flat feet!!
1 strong will to survive,
Spite,
Grief,
a dash of Humor and absolutely NO common sense!!

1 stomach to think with!!
d:oP
-----------------------------

1.
Who has seen you in your underwear lately?

theFrontRoom-roomie!!,
maybe that explains his Hasty departure from theApt yesterday!!

dowh well,
4 apts w/in this Apt, just me and lil' TJ!!, she's in theNext room over.

she bitterly complains to theOffsiteLandLady'mon!! about my guitar playing after
hours,

ggeeeezzz,
I barely touch my soft cases or even think of a chord riff or Note run and my
cell phone is a ringin',
-frustrated- d:o/

Actually.
No one has, cos I wear clothes when I step foot outside theMessyRoom!!
----

2.
Is it awkward when you run into your exes?!


Aside from theSilence, theFidgeting and downward glances?!
Wouldja believe when that has happened, I found 2 nickels and gumball!?

Yuummmm, berry flavored, plus some tobacco taste too!!
oh.. and LINT!!
I found lint.

Say, that was a snazzy looking Hondai that just passed,
*stretches*,

*slowly rubs tiny scratch under Ribs, and carresses theGlock!!, saunters off
looking for a Pizza stand*
----

3.
Have you kissed someone this past week?


When Haven't I!?

I just love theCute CoWorkers!!
and I hug theBoss!! occasionally, and always thePayRoll!!
she needs love theMost!!
----

4.
When did you last talk to your brother or sister?


I called last week to check on theFamily!! back in theVillage!!

thePlace was still standing!!

Mama & Dad were close by on errands, and lil' sister was watching movies.

and NO, my two cats Leo & Fluffy hadn't been FED yet but were soon mewling
at theBackDoor,

they know when "daddy" calls home to check on them!!
----

5.
What did you do the last time you were home alone?

Just yesterday,

was finally by myself for a change, but only for a few hours.

And I got to try out theNew "canvas" guitar!!
It's made from real canvas and a wood frame!!

a true Hobo guitar.
d:oP

I joke of course,
But I got to test out my new Acoustic / Electric I purchased off CraigList a few
days before.

I love it.
Canvas makes some cool guitars and this one is awesome,
except....(and there always IS isn't there?!)

theStrings (action) are a bit too high for me.

With Guitar strings, they have to be almost equal heighth off theFretBoard from theNut (that plastic or ivory piece by 1st Fret) on up close to theBridge.

But theBridge piece, (no adjustments knobs on this guitar, sadly) has theStrings way up high.

it's like I have to use an industrial vice or Clamp to hold down theStrings!!
And I can install a passengerTram Car!! to hand from under theStrings by theBridge and offer rides to people to descend down-down-down towards theNut.

I'll either learn to play better by "clamping" theStrings better or else I'll get this minor annoyance fixed,
I love theGuitar.

I plugged it into my regular Crate amp and enjoyed theCacaphony / maelstrom!! of noise shapes just off theHumm alone!!

aside from that.
I usually clamp my hands to sides of my Face and Look Real scared when I'm "HomeAlone!!"
----

6.
Do you ever wanna know who you are going to marry?

Not really.

a long time ago when I lived Religion and tried to follow it every way possible,
I made friends within the church and tried from there to get Married,

but some mormon church people just don't follow their religion, else I'd be married over 20yrs ago!!

Now adays its just comforting to find great females that can be friends.
who really cares about marriage anymore!?

I don't think about it much anymore, cos I'm one of those NiceGuys that just ended up getting Used & abused by religion, by lds women & a few worldly women,

besides, Back then I knew whom I was going to Marry anyways!!
----

7.
Have you ever watched the Real World?


don't know what program that is, so I'll say "no".

However, I live IN theRealWorld and not in a fuckedUp church cult mentality.

I love living here!!
Life is goooooood!! d:o)
----

8.
How much cash do you have on you?


*feels body, counts 2 Pistols, 1 blade, 1 cellPhone*

nope,
I must be breaking a MilitaryCommandment!!

and that is, to never be out of arms reach of:
Your FootLocker!!
Your Cash!! / wallet w/ ID's and such

At least I am not out of arms reach of my weapons.
----

9.
Who are the 3rd and 7th texts in your phone?


I had sent a cellPhoto of a serving of StickyToffeePudding!!
to some friends back in Jan.

I have some phone messages saved up from back then, isn't technology
wonderful!?

And I was asking about theRunningOfTheReindeer that some friends were to
participate in which would take place theFollowing Month!!

and they did,

and the 7th text. is to multiple friends.
----

10.
Are you tanned?


Like a whippedWomenz behind!! d:oD

oh..

Um, no.
I'm kinda naturally dark and yet a little light too.

Just think of me as you would a multi colored vehicle.
TwoToned!!

oh.. and as far as Musculature wise, I'm tooToned!!
and TwoTonned!!

thereby, in Net speak.

I'm 2PWNED!!
----

11.
Are you upset with anyone?


theSam!! is never upset with anyone!!
d:o/

at least not anymore.

Cos life's too short to be expecting things of anyone anymore.
If they'll do something they'll do it without me asking, and vice versa!!
----

12.
Do you talk to the person you have a thing for?


and not only that, but I often get Upset at her!!
d:oP

isn't life fickle!?
----

13.
Have you ever seen your best friend cry?


yepperz.

theSam!! don't like to see his womenz cry,
that's when they get a hugz!!
----

14.
Did you get any compliments today?


Hmmm..
-thinking- d:o\

I don't recall.
maybe so,

but I did compliment alot.
Look at it this way, at least I gave at theOffice!!
----

15.
Have you ever gone to court?


theSam!!
complainent / Respondent / Detainee / d:oP
----

16.
Are you friends with your neighbors?


those annoying, pesky, Loud people!?

of course!!
I borrow food stuffs from them and they-from me!!

I'm going to bake some chicken soon and don't have any onions, garlic, peppercorns, white vinegar or cinnamon sticks!! d:oP
----

17.
Have you ever punched a guy?
Not lately.


When I hug some female friends,
they may have theHubby!! / bf / what ever!!, there with them

so I just tack theH / bf / we in the arm to acknowledge them.
Besides,
I hate huggin' guyz!!

-ick!!- d:oS
----

18.
Do you get jealous easily?


Not really.....
aside from tackin' some H / BF / WE of female frenz,

no...
cos theSam!! don't get mad or jelous!!
d:oP
----

19.
Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?


whom hasn't?!

but I prefer to play "confiscate theBottle!!" while in theVillage!!

and sometimes when I'm at work eating shiftMeal w/ theCrew!!
I play peekaBoo!! with theBar bottles as they hide behind theWellFountain!!

that's when theBosses!! intone, all sexy & breathless, exasperated w/me...
"eat your Penn & vinegaret Sam!!....
leave theCuraco & Hennessey alone!!"

as they point with their forks and go back to chatting about warm implicit
sights along theVineyards that they'll visit soon for the traditional or yearly
CookingVacation!! in SoCow!!

20.
Egged someones house?


No.

but I've TP'd a few houses,
and a "certain" boss' TailDraggerPlane!! in SquareBanks!!
-devious- >:oD
----

21.
Have you ever had a crush on your brother or sisters friends?


technically,
yes.

Back in gradeschool when I lived with a church foster family and met a few college roomies they brought home over Holidays,

my crushes were both TO theMen and Women.
But infatuation along lines of, "I wanna marry someone like that or be someone like that!!"

LOL,
me. This lil' dindin!! boy within a family of whitePeople.

isn't Innocence so sweet!?
----

22.
Have you ever gone to the beach?


*groan...*

oh man...

*bites hand!!*

I miss BondiBeach and manleyBeach in Australia.

I went to play in theWater one time on Shoreleave from theAirCraftCarrier!!
and fell asleep under my towels,

when I popped my head up to see how things were,
there were 2 huge SETS!! of Cleavage!!
( . )Y( . )

sunning themselves next to me and a couple more pair sitting up and oiling
themselves,

wow,
Australian women really LOVE U.S. Servicemen!!
-LoveCrush!!- d:o)
----

23.
What are you listening to?


am listening to Kwhl 106.5 fm Anchorage Alaska!!

and before that I was listening to KZND 96.4 theEnd!!
----

24.
Do you remember your music teachers name from elementry school?


After theUnbalancedOne!! in 2nd grade that held us kidz captive after school for an hour and wouldn't let Anyone out of theClassroom,

cos he had a nervous breakdown and played piano for us, not letting Anyone move or speak while he played and tried to make us understand,

to listen and feel passionate about it like he did...
to just like it,
to Get It, ok!?, to get it and *sobs and weeps*

uhm....

No.

I try not to think about the following succession of music teachers that took themselves a bit too seriously.

One 3rd and 4th grade MusicTeacher took us bandMembers out to march on the football field every day,

granted, that was cool, but some kidz didn't want to march, as they thought they were just going to "sit" and play cello, flute, horns etc.

actually.
I hate my elementary music teachers.
----

25.
How good is your eyesight?


good enough so spot CuteNess!! a mile away!!
and sadly, 'Ness!! (vanessa!!) now looks out for me and tries to avoid me, -sad- d:o(

LOL.

actually,
I'm nearsighted, and am now wearing astigmathism.. asthign..

ah hell,
I wear really really THICK sofLenses!!

In fact, theNASA & ESA all consult "me" every 6 months for updates on
where they should point Hubble to next!!

but they keep frowning on my choice of either thePlayBoyMansion pool when ever there's a NudeParty!!, or else upon Sydney & Bondi beach in Australia.

-sad- d:o(

btw,
there's a Quasar show just past Taurus and it will dim by next week,

I swear sometimes,
it sucks to have eagle vision!!
d:oP
----

26.
Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?


after swimming withNavySeals, Walruses, crabs, barnacles and even Sponges!!
And later on in life, to have swum not only with VillageChixxx!!, but with villageKidz!!

I can swim with anything!!

btw,
does anyone Local wanna swim at theSouthTown H2O waterOasis next month!?
----

27.
Have you ever been out of your country?

yes,

I've been to Canada, Mexico!! (California d:oP Twice too), Japan, EAE / persianGulf, Australia,

to France, spain, Italy, and I've also been to Cuba (Florida!! d:oP)
and lastly, YESH!!

I've been away from Alaska to visit Seattle a time or two!!
Alaska is theBest country to be from and live in.
----

28.
Would your parents be mad if you got suspended for fighting?


My parents were always thinking ahead,
which comes naturally from being in a long prestigious BloodLine of a Warrior race,

we had to blend into our elements and adapt,
so, my parents gave me my own set of Suspenders just in case any schoolBullies!! wanted to suspend me from theWall!!, or from theNearestTree!!

call me, mrNiceGuy!!

and oddly enough,
No. Never got suspended or punished for fighting when someone else StartedIt!!
And I never started any fights at all, I was always a big kid anyway,
and school kidz, people who aren't familiar with fighting and such at an early age,

are just scared of bigger people,
even adults these days are scared of bigger people.
----

29.
Do you have a Honda, Toyota or Nissan?


I miss "Nisa".
My lil' trusty nissan specialEdition V-6 4x4 pickup.

she carried me everywhere back in theVillage!!
I trusted her totally with my life, cos If I ever broke down or got stranded far from help hundreds of miles from anywhere while in theInterior of Alaska,

I'd be in a world of hurt.
She started in temps well below zero and often I ran her 24 / 7 (back when fuel was less than $2 a gallon) for a few weeks during theWinter months,

If current Nissans were as hardy and economical, I'd trust another one with my life and safety.

as for currentModels!!
I "ride" an BlueBird transit bus!!

or at least it looks like one, it could be Transit or Orion for all I know.

California and Seattle have theCoolest buses!!

And I also ride,
Rikka!!, Sveska, 'manda!!, Anna!!, and Pooh rides me!!
d:oP
theEuropean and RiceBurner models are best!!
but for most reliable and time tested, nothing beats good old American made!!

erhh. except their jealous BF's, H's, WE's!!
----

30.
What time did you wake up this morning?


0555 to BobandMark!!

0700 to BobandMark!!

1030 to Kwhl 106 five music!!

1245 to my alarm clock.
----

31.
What are you doing saturday?


dunno.
Aside from sleep in, I'm going to go out and visit some guitar shops to see if they have any spare "nuts" and "bridge" pieces

as that is what I need to fix on my new Canvas guitar.
----

32.
What is in your back pocket?


probably a folderKnife inSheath!!
and a small wooden comb,

I hardly carry things in my backPockets anymore,
I gotta keep theLakotaFlatButt!! as "bump" free and blemish free as possible!!

Besides,
YOU fall off thePorch, slide on YOUR ASS down theSteps and see what you have in your pockets Bruises you and pinches a nerve in your legs, glute and back!!
----

33.
What were you doing at 3am this morning?


right now, surfing theInet and typing this!!
----

34.
What do you usually do first in the morning?


wake up and open up theWindow!!

to get some fresh air into theApt,
to vent thePlace!! d:oD
and to wake up from theChill!!

then I wake up "Grumpy!!"
----

35.
Who is your favorite band?


I miss LitaFord (1980's!!),
Warlock / Doro Pesch!!,
Betsy Weiss / Bitch!!

and what ever happened to PhantomBlue!?
"why call it love, I call it Pain!!" is absolutely right when
your fave heavyMetal gals just grow up, move on and only play on weekends!!
d:oP

and "metalQueen!!" Lee Aaron now torchSings!! jazz and has a kid!!
d:oD

I'm still trying to forget my ViolinHero of theMonth!!,
theGreatKat!! aka katherine thomas

she was a genius in classical music who basically said, after years of play and study that classicalMusic was dead, and so it needed reviving!!

She's crazy!!
but she still burns, shredz and blisters your ears, Eyes, Soul, and Mouth!! via youTube postings.

I liked her back when she wanted me 'ultraDead!!'
----

36.
Made out for more than 3 minutes?


-happy- d:o)

Yuummmm.
----

37.
Slept in a different bed?


I even bring along my own sofAcrylicSleepingBag!!
----

38.
Made out in a cinema?


no.
Movie houses are for eating $50 in popcorn, 4ox, 8oz or biggieSize!! 12oz pops, and little bags of candy!!
----

39.
Made out with 2 different people in one night?


-smiles- d:o)
----

40.
Thought your cousin was hot?


OMG,

heebuss jeeebus,
one of my native cousins was hot!!

I cursed the day we found out we were cousins!!

damn you Ancestors!!
damn you.....

-sad- d:o(
----

41.
Been in love?


who hasn't?!
----

42.
Slept in past noon?


Yes.
----

43.
Gone over the speed limit?


a few times,

what frightens me though, is theHigh rate of speed over Ice and Snow
driving my Nissan Pickup to emergencys,

we stuck to theRoad like glue though,
God was with us at the time though, or something higher power was.
----

44.
What color is your room?


eggshell,

something stark, colorless really.

But I got some pictures and a few posters up.
----

45.
Drove a van?


I love vans.

Been inside theEconoLines of chevy,
and have been inside a few "ScoobyVans" too but I don't like microBuses at all.

I like the fact that driver and passengers are all riding in comfort.
And when I was Nanny in Seattle,

some families of mine had Astrovans, Plymouth luxery vans and those Dodge vans.
Vans say "Family man!!"

they say, "Comfort, $, closeness, Family!!"

And lastly,
when I was slaving away under shadow of theTattood Heavy undulating Breasts of theAlaskanPrincess!! one summer time,

she made me drive her vans,
She even gave us employees test drives too with her as Monitor in theFrontSeat!!

"samuel, you'll have to drive a bit faster please!!"
I was doing a steady 45mph.

*sigh*

I sped up and she went back to making notations on her clipboard in WhaleBonePen with ivoryQuill!!

yep. thePrincess!! wasn't easy to please, but it was worth it.
----

46.
Last time you went to a party?


I can't remember.

Lessee,
there was theEmployee Christmas Party!! at one downtown bar where I worked,
they had free drinks for theEmps and I mean, HHUUGGEE double drinks of anything we wanted.

after awhile my body was warm and hazy,
but I held on and kept my wits about me,

I really respect owners, managers and bosses that have private parties for theEmployees like that.
----

47.
Gotten a hickey?


yes,

and sometimes,
Just to keep up appearances!! I pinch and squeeze my own neck and make a trail down to my ManBoobs!! d:oP
----

48.
Been to China?


not lately.

But, China's been to me!!
In fact, China is close to everyone!!
----

49.
Gotten in a car with people you just met?


Everyday that I call a taxi!!
I haven't met a driver that I couldn't outtalk yet!!
----

50.
Been in a fist fight?


theUsual scrapes in grade school and middle school.

nope.

I've stopped many fights though ever since then, and especially while working out in theVillage!!

people just thrash around and inflict nothing more than bumps, bruises, scrapes and cuts really,
----

51.

Snuck out of your house?


uhm..

not after my one LEO frend caught me sneaking out to go get cheeseCake at the store.
By now I know how to sleep holding some female or else when "I'm" being held!!

-mad- >:o\
----

52.
Had feelings for someone who did not have them back?


Who hasnt?
----

53.

Had sex at school?


No.
----

54.

Made out with a stranger?


no.
----

55.
Ditched school to do something more fun?


no. But I should have just to say that I did it.
----

56.
What should you be doing now?


Inspecting theNew guitar some more,
Inspecting theGF some more!!
Inspecting theBottom of the 2nd smirnoffOrange!! some more!!

sleeping.

--------------

Life is good everyone.
work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat,
and practice theInstruments over and over again.

I've found my Guitar voice by dropping theTunings!!
from Standard to "D" or down further to "C"

Find YOUR voice,
find your talent, what lies inside you and let it go!!

cos,
as I have done with church and with some of my most deeply held convictions and dearest hopeful dreams,

I Let Go!!

It turns out that I can't make people do anything for me,
I just have to do for myself and then I can help others, serve others and keep on living,

and guide others along the way and in turn, when I'm feeling down and lowly,
that I too may be guided and helped,

so let go!!
You'll truly find freedom at last.
----

always,
theSam!!

samuel l flyinghorse
anchorage, alaska

-alaskavillagetales-

Comments

Anonymous said…
Um, Sam? You know people read this, right? #47 made me laugh laugh laugh.

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