theSam!!'s VPSO rules!!
.....well.
sometimes us Cops like to think that we do.
But from time to time, an VillageElder!! wielding an incrediblyHard!! diamondWillowCane
(with CulturalImpunity!! too I might add) will adjust your attitude!!
theSam!! found some "Rules" posted elsewhere on theNet!! and decided to plagiarize them (like Always!!) and then,
provide additional commentary after theFact!! (like always!!, it's what theSam!! does)
------------------
Rules of theRoad!!
1. Never rob a bank run by bigger crooks than you.
2. Never play cowboy in a room full of indians.
3. Never shoot pool with your own balls.
4. Never dive from the 20th floor unless the pool is full.
5. Never give an inch when a 2x4 will do.
6. Never try to pick up a girl if you can't lift her boyfriend.
7. Never ride a Brahma bull when the bus is available.
8. Never go into a bar unless you're willing to get smashed.
9. Never forget, clothes make the man, especially when they are bullet proof.
10. Never piss into the wind, whether on or off your motorcycle.
---------
theSam!! sez:
1. Never ever Never!!
Trust those darn pens (that are Chained down with links bigger than your fingers!!) to work,
they just don't!!
Much like that huge but HOT!! Russian looking chick!! that always frowns and snickerz when you swipe your ATM card as she squints at theScreen!!
and dons rubber gloves to hand you back your $2.72 dishWashing Pay check.
2. Never be theInebriateVillager!! in a room full of VPSO's!!
You're just never gonna get away with any shenanigans no matter whom you're related to and no matter how much you've had to drink-makes you think that you're smarter than theRest of Us!!
which you probably are, but you're too intoxicated to care, so we're not gonna feed your addicted ego either.
3. Never ever play with VillageChixxx!! ever, or with ANY females for that matter, w/ your own balls!!
Just swallow your pride and walk into that novelty Adult store and "buy her a pair w/ something extra!!" d:oP
she'll love ya for it, and if she likes you, she'll be using your incredibly expensive Rechargable lithiumIon double AA batteries instead of letting you use them-for your Taser!!
4. Never ever, NEVER!!
Look behind theVillageHouse!! doors one at a time, house by house searching for theContraband!!
Just quickly run to the20th!! house, or at least theOne that you would have searched anyway, and have a look!!
Better yet, just go to theSafestPlace!! for Alcohol to be!!-YourHouse!!
Then arrest your 20yro girlFriend!! and her 20 friends.... -sad- d:o(
erh.. what number was I?!
5. And never use a 2x4 on your VPSO!! boyFriend when his 4x4Pickup will do.
It's armed to theTeeth!! anyway with ShotGunz, Rifles and pistols and cool electronics!!
Just take a squirt gun and threaten theHF radios!!,
Watch him cower and plead to do Anything!! "just don't hurt theTransceivers!!"
You'll accomplish more with one finger!! (on theSquirtGun) than you would with any 2x4 or 4x4Pickup or with one squeeze of his ba......
6. And never try to talk to a VillageChick!! unless you have already arrested herMother!!,
and you have to have had a knockDown drag out with Gramma, herSmokedFishRacks and theUglySingle-horny woman in theFamily (there's always one hitting on you, calling your VPSO office leaving drunken messages etc.) before you even get thePrivilege of "cuffing" theVillageChick!!
always!!,
Like Gravity,
like sunlight,
like Women in Charge!!
It's like that!! and always will be so no sense in fightin' it!!
where was I?!
6..
no ..
7!! Never ever!!
(another one of those warnings again!! trust me, there's tons of 'em!!)
ever never ever ever ever...
Never!! !! !
ride with your younger daughter or with your neices to theVillage!!GeneralStore for your weekly groceries
when theVPSO is there!! (in theVillage!!)
and for that matter, Never ever ever!! pick up theGrocer tab!!
or theHeatingOil!! tab,
or theFishing & Hunting Licenses tabs when those darn Cops!! (theVPSO / VPO's) are in theVillage!!
Even if it's 30yrs later and those 78 boys & girls have already served and ran out theVillage!! screaming after a few months or years!!
Just send 'em theBill and go eat!!
8. Never ever!! (see?!, told ya so.)
Go into a City!! bar unless you're willing to see theVPSO's pickup drive by s-l-o-w-l-y-!-! several times,
even if he gets out, stopping traffic, and leaves several sticky notes on your window,
or attempts to get theAttention of your Wife & Kidz!! STILL SITTING!! in theCar!!
(not to mention in Embarassment too!!)
At least wait until theLightRain, leaving your footPrints lead from car to bar!!, has passed AND Don't visit theCity!! on your VPSO's dayOFF!!
9. Clothes DO!! make theMan!!
Especially theBulletVest!!
Cos sometimes, when theMan that wears them is so tired from theVPSO duties,
often just theClothes!! will run out of theLodgeRoom!! and answer all DomesticCalls!! and transport Offenders to theCityJail!!
Often just theClothes!! will shoulder the40lb "warBag!!" and head off to theGunCall!! and quell all violent offenders singleHandedly then type for 5hrs as theStateTroops!! send out Officers to transport everyone.
Often it IS!! theUniform!! that everyone loves and reveres!!
Just don't forget to let theClothes!! play in theRiver!! now and then with theVillageKidz!! so it won't smell so bad!!
10. Never ever..(2 Infinity!!) forget that EveryDay!! in theVillage!!
is like pissin' in theWind!!
w/ theFly closed, using no Hands and often theWind!! isn't EVEN Blowing!!
uhm...
and don't forget to wash, sanitize and scaldWaterWash again!! ALLLLLL theOrange OC / MaceSpray from your hands first before you PEE!!
Otherwise, theVillage!! down River will hear you scream and NO VillageChicks!! will talk to you for a month, but at least that one Fugly girl / woman in theVillage!! will........
d:o(
luvs,
theSam!!
----------------
luvs,
theSam!!
samuel l flyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
-alaskavillagetales-
sometimes us Cops like to think that we do.
But from time to time, an VillageElder!! wielding an incrediblyHard!! diamondWillowCane
(with CulturalImpunity!! too I might add) will adjust your attitude!!
theSam!! found some "Rules" posted elsewhere on theNet!! and decided to plagiarize them (like Always!!) and then,
provide additional commentary after theFact!! (like always!!, it's what theSam!! does)
------------------
Rules of theRoad!!
1. Never rob a bank run by bigger crooks than you.
2. Never play cowboy in a room full of indians.
3. Never shoot pool with your own balls.
4. Never dive from the 20th floor unless the pool is full.
5. Never give an inch when a 2x4 will do.
6. Never try to pick up a girl if you can't lift her boyfriend.
7. Never ride a Brahma bull when the bus is available.
8. Never go into a bar unless you're willing to get smashed.
9. Never forget, clothes make the man, especially when they are bullet proof.
10. Never piss into the wind, whether on or off your motorcycle.
---------
theSam!! sez:
1. Never ever Never!!
Trust those darn pens (that are Chained down with links bigger than your fingers!!) to work,
they just don't!!
Much like that huge but HOT!! Russian looking chick!! that always frowns and snickerz when you swipe your ATM card as she squints at theScreen!!
and dons rubber gloves to hand you back your $2.72 dishWashing Pay check.
2. Never be theInebriateVillager!! in a room full of VPSO's!!
You're just never gonna get away with any shenanigans no matter whom you're related to and no matter how much you've had to drink-makes you think that you're smarter than theRest of Us!!
which you probably are, but you're too intoxicated to care, so we're not gonna feed your addicted ego either.
3. Never ever play with VillageChixxx!! ever, or with ANY females for that matter, w/ your own balls!!
Just swallow your pride and walk into that novelty Adult store and "buy her a pair w/ something extra!!" d:oP
she'll love ya for it, and if she likes you, she'll be using your incredibly expensive Rechargable lithiumIon double AA batteries instead of letting you use them-for your Taser!!
4. Never ever, NEVER!!
Look behind theVillageHouse!! doors one at a time, house by house searching for theContraband!!
Just quickly run to the20th!! house, or at least theOne that you would have searched anyway, and have a look!!
Better yet, just go to theSafestPlace!! for Alcohol to be!!-YourHouse!!
Then arrest your 20yro girlFriend!! and her 20 friends.... -sad- d:o(
erh.. what number was I?!
5. And never use a 2x4 on your VPSO!! boyFriend when his 4x4Pickup will do.
It's armed to theTeeth!! anyway with ShotGunz, Rifles and pistols and cool electronics!!
Just take a squirt gun and threaten theHF radios!!,
Watch him cower and plead to do Anything!! "just don't hurt theTransceivers!!"
You'll accomplish more with one finger!! (on theSquirtGun) than you would with any 2x4 or 4x4Pickup or with one squeeze of his ba......
6. And never try to talk to a VillageChick!! unless you have already arrested herMother!!,
and you have to have had a knockDown drag out with Gramma, herSmokedFishRacks and theUglySingle-horny woman in theFamily (there's always one hitting on you, calling your VPSO office leaving drunken messages etc.) before you even get thePrivilege of "cuffing" theVillageChick!!
always!!,
Like Gravity,
like sunlight,
like Women in Charge!!
It's like that!! and always will be so no sense in fightin' it!!
where was I?!
6..
no ..
7!! Never ever!!
(another one of those warnings again!! trust me, there's tons of 'em!!)
ever never ever ever ever...
Never!! !! !
ride with your younger daughter or with your neices to theVillage!!GeneralStore for your weekly groceries
when theVPSO is there!! (in theVillage!!)
and for that matter, Never ever ever!! pick up theGrocer tab!!
or theHeatingOil!! tab,
or theFishing & Hunting Licenses tabs when those darn Cops!! (theVPSO / VPO's) are in theVillage!!
Even if it's 30yrs later and those 78 boys & girls have already served and ran out theVillage!! screaming after a few months or years!!
Just send 'em theBill and go eat!!
8. Never ever!! (see?!, told ya so.)
Go into a City!! bar unless you're willing to see theVPSO's pickup drive by s-l-o-w-l-y-!-! several times,
even if he gets out, stopping traffic, and leaves several sticky notes on your window,
or attempts to get theAttention of your Wife & Kidz!! STILL SITTING!! in theCar!!
(not to mention in Embarassment too!!)
At least wait until theLightRain, leaving your footPrints lead from car to bar!!, has passed AND Don't visit theCity!! on your VPSO's dayOFF!!
9. Clothes DO!! make theMan!!
Especially theBulletVest!!
Cos sometimes, when theMan that wears them is so tired from theVPSO duties,
often just theClothes!! will run out of theLodgeRoom!! and answer all DomesticCalls!! and transport Offenders to theCityJail!!
Often just theClothes!! will shoulder the40lb "warBag!!" and head off to theGunCall!! and quell all violent offenders singleHandedly then type for 5hrs as theStateTroops!! send out Officers to transport everyone.
Often it IS!! theUniform!! that everyone loves and reveres!!
Just don't forget to let theClothes!! play in theRiver!! now and then with theVillageKidz!! so it won't smell so bad!!
10. Never ever..(2 Infinity!!) forget that EveryDay!! in theVillage!!
is like pissin' in theWind!!
w/ theFly closed, using no Hands and often theWind!! isn't EVEN Blowing!!
uhm...
and don't forget to wash, sanitize and scaldWaterWash again!! ALLLLLL theOrange OC / MaceSpray from your hands first before you PEE!!
Otherwise, theVillage!! down River will hear you scream and NO VillageChicks!! will talk to you for a month, but at least that one Fugly girl / woman in theVillage!! will........
d:o(
luvs,
theSam!!
----------------
luvs,
theSam!!
samuel l flyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
-alaskavillagetales-
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