AlaskaVillageTales

When I was Navy back in 1990-1995, I would be aboard ship and on occasion see other people get in packages and packages of mail from home. Most of the items received was Food related, I saw two young men get cakes, would you believe CAKES!! of all things, and they ate what they could and tossed the rest in the trash,   I saw young men get t-shirts, and socks and they trashed them and kept the CD music and the CD players. I thought to myself that if anyone ever ended up sending me stuff like that in quantity and quality that I would at least be more respectful of the people that went through all that trouble to get me any items in the mail sent to me far far away on military duty.   Then one day a big envelope arrived from Alaska, It was a bundle of letters from some school children, amongst these kids was my lil' sister Shayne!!, and they had all written and drawn much stuff for me, I thought that was so nice. I kept those letters from those kids that, at that time, never k...

How To Tell!!.... that you've been OverCharged (again) for Basic Enlisted Barracks Quarters Room damage even though you JustMovedIn!!   - On theCallOut price list , theHole In theWall charge starts at $45, but when your roomie (a 2 man room) takes a dump YOU charge $80 to stick your hand through and Wipe!!   - theCeramicTile costs $60 to replace yet that youngArmyChick!! you had over last weekend (after her hubby deployed) had breast Implants harder, Smoother and Colder than your apt kitchenCounterTops!!   - you got drunk (again), lost your key card and spent another $30 and now replace it so many times, Housing gave up on you, thus leaving theMainExchange (army PX) store clerks took over and now they "codeProximity" label your 151 Rum bottle labels to at least keep your Apt doors unlocked at least 4 days a week.   - theDamaged!! interior Storm door ($400) actually refers to your girlfriends Diaphragm!! d:o(   - theSink Fixture ($120), is really that hot...

theSoldierSam!!   - theSoldierSam!! now tehBlackEye!! of 3rd Division (and of FortStewart!!)   - tSS!! whom can STILL see Russia from his house!! (only cos he hid theSmirnoff vodka bottle in the grass field across from theReceptionBarracks!!)   - tSS!! hoping to win theTriStateMega-millions lotto before deployment!!   - tSS!! Georgias most Dazed & Confused Army Soldier!!   - tSS!! his "edge on Life in tehArmeh!!" is the dull rusty disposable razor in his ShaveKit bag.   - tSS!! having found his future in theArmy!! (but only cos he glanced at theHoroscopes while reading theBaseNewsPaper)   - tSS!! still Nipping!! from theAfterShave bottle tucked away inside his ShaveKitBag (only not as much though once he walked into a miniShoppette on base and realized "they Sold Alcohol!!")   - tSS!! trying to "be all he can be" in tehArmeh!!, which after 1 pushup in fortSill and that 2nd bout with "recruitCrud" in fortBenning-quite ...

theSam!!'s Top 10!!   theSam!!'s Top 10 reason to do Army PT while in AK, He's awake anyway for pee break at 0430!! besides, his t-shirt & boxers getup isn't far from theArmy nylon PT short and Army "T".   He should stop feeling theBurn from the subzero winds and blowing snow after an hour of Jumping jacks anyway!!   tS!!TT reason to do Army PT while home on Leave in Alaska, they sell Monster Energy drinks at theVillage!!GeneralStore....along with just about everything else!! After 3 of those, you'll be up 2 days and 3 nights as well, So just hit the bike trail and run North 2.5 miles   ehhhh, too bad they don't take militaryStarCards d:o(   tS!!TT reason living out of an Army green duffle bag ain't so bad!! As you pull shtuff outta theBag!!, the top just collapses down a bit..... kinda like your alaskaPublicSafetyCareer kinda did after you first pulled over theChief'sGrandkids for drunk driving way way back in 2001   you...

theVillage!!:  militaryGraduate Sam!!   theSon!! just graduated from Infantry training and along the way earned a couple of ribbons for some type of brave & selfless act so next time ya' see him, thank Him for protecting our Nation at home from a Broad!! d:oP   And if you don't see him don't worry cos with unfettered access to his stupid Blog, we're sure he'll keep us all apprised of his military successes so you can join him in pride.... if not Chagrin & embarassment!!   PFC Samuel L Flyinghorse left Anchorage on 13 July 2009 to attend WTC/Warrior Transition Course training at Fort Sill, Oklahoma. The Private First Class spent a few days in reception with 95th battalion before crossing the tracks (going over to theOther side of theBase) and joining up with D Btry 1st Bn 79th FA   WTC course requirements included the following: Basic Rifle Marksmanship, daily Army Physical Fitness, Tactical Foot Marches, Convoy Live Fire & Urban Operations...

2009 Things To Do With ArmySam!!   01  d:oP Lick iceCream!! and why not?!, thePrivate has had plenty of practice at theDFAC / diningFacilities (chowHall) sneaking those iceCream sandwiches when theDrill Sergeants / DS aren't looking.   Keep running every day Sam!!, keep losing weight and being able to move faster so you can sneak MORE iceCream ya' fatAss!!   02  Hike theWorld Famous "StairWay To Heaven" After spending a nice relaxing week camping in theWoods around ft Benning, you can strap 70lbs of gear on your back, grab your rifle and head on down the road with your hiking buddies eager to find this stairway of legend.   Careful though that you walk theStairWay on UnSprained ankles and that you didn't injure your hams or knees weeks previous either, else you might fall back from theGroup while roadMarching and completely miss out on this GraduationRequirement walk   Don't worry though, if you have to drop out from anklePain, you'll just hi...

UncleSam!!'s Complete Army Guide   -How To Tell!! htt that You need Glasses!! You go to every "WiFi Hot Spot" expecting to find yourself a Bride!!, and this while wearing your issued ArmySpecs "BCG's!!" (birthControlGlasses) Bo)   -How To Tell!! htt that everyone knows you're broke on paydays!! You're......   I'm theOnly one at theRecCtr / RecreationCenter on base, in fact, I'm the only one eating in chowHall that day...... ALL month too!!   -HTT!! that I've been in theArmy all my life. Cos no one saw me back then (a minority) and no one sees me now!! (even when I'm a Minority wearing army digital combat uniform!!)   -HTT!! that UncleSam!! wants you to be (and in MY case, to GO BACK to theBar & Grill!!) an professionalChef!! Because your BlackBeret can be poofed up like a mushroom cap on top of your head, just like chefBoydArdee!!  d:oP   -HTT!! that theArmy DOESN'T want you to have kidz!!   d:o( The Dri...

-SAND HILL Sat 19 Sep 2009, Ft Benning, GA Woke up today at 0200hrs, in a fog of sleep went to the Latrine past sleeping Soldiers and those 2 on FireWatch, "Sign In, Flyinghorse", an 17yr old Soldier whispered to me from the darkness, redLensed flashlight flitting from me back to his writingPaper, I signed in my name on theTapedUp notebook paper posted on the bathroom door before I went into theLatrine,   The paper on theDoor was stark reminder of last weeks Indescretions that EVERYONE in thePlatoon paid for, and dearly in PushUps, confinement to theBay after work / training hours and in general, Just being treated like lil' ol' Privates by theDrillSergeants vs being treated like grownUp men,   but, it wasn't "US" priorService men that had gone out on 4 hour pass on Sunday and bartered for smokes, come back to Barracks, HID those contraband items and also sold them to Other company recruits, when instead, it was mostly a few of thePrivates (the...

Our WTC (Warrior Transition Course) class graduates in 3 days, after that we continue on with various schoolings, trainings, back to civilian life etc. As for me, I continue to Ft Benning, Georgia for AIT / Advanced Infantry Training and after that, will find out where my next duty station will be for my 3yrs 5 months Army enlistment.   So much has happened to me in training, and most of it good stuff too. I've been able to push my 42yr old body and complete most of the day to day PhysicalTraining that the Drill Sgts make us do. On the other hand, I pulled something in my knee while sprinting and medical gave me a brace and put me on 5 day limited duty pass (meaning that I could still walk, run, march etc and not get sent to medical hold and miss graduation)  I'm old, but am here for this brief time.   It's an honor to serve. already we've gone through riflle marksmanship and we've done Convoy exercises and Clearing Rooms. Fun fun stuff that I hope I ge...

Hello everyone!!   tehSam!! has reEnlisted thanks to theMilitary raising theAge of Enlistment (theSam!! is 41currently and will turn 42 in Aug).     WarriorTransitionCourse / WTC Will be in Fort Sill, Oklahoma and then I will be sent on to Fort Benning, Georgia for OneStationUnitTraining / OSUT   Today , Mon 13 July 2009, in Anchorage I made it through the final phases of MEPS / military entrance process station processing and after taking theOath of Enlistment, along with several other militaryService bound young people, I was given my "Package" papers and my flight Itinerary and alas,  was NOT Given any meal voucher checques to WriteOut,   theShippingAdvisor / Taxi driver to theAirport told me, us PriorServicemen, that "you prior service are on your own for food". Uh... Ok   Now I sit at "UncleTed's!!", TedStevensInternationalAirport in Anchorage awaiting my flight Out of AK and onto Atlanta, Wow, it's going to be a long flight.  ...

today Thu 09 July 2009 , I passed my Army PFT (ppffffffft!!) test d:oP   I got a ride from theVillage!! with a family friend yesterday and stayed in Wasilla, then got a ride here to Anchorage and waited a couple of hours till theRecruiters!! were in office till they could see me.   Then we waited around another hour for some other chick that was also PFT testing today for service entrance, but she couldn't make it till.... about now after 1430hrs. I didn't want to wait all day for theInevitable!!, so I opted to take my PFT alone.   We went to theElmendorf (sp?!) AirForce base and I ran around the small Outside track, 5 laps being 2miles I was told.   My female recruiter!! d:oP, demonstrated a portion of the 2mins of Pushups (I did about 20), theArmy way of doing Situps (I'm used to Navy crunches and only did 12, d:o(  ), and theFemaleRecruiter so tough, she actually did a lap in her combat boots!!   Then another youngMan fresh from BootCamp!! bested me by actu...

theSam!! HIS higher calling, as of late, is usually someone Sober standing OVER him calling Out to him trying to wake him up from his InebriateStupor!! theSam!! leaving theCity!! for theVillage!! simply to take on a much larger Roll!!, as thePastry's his Mom buys from theVillageStore!! are a 1/3 bigger than anything found in theCity!! theSam!! his northKorean skills are improving, however, even in "GODmode" in his NavySEALs pc game, no matter how many times he runs through thePalaceGarden grounds just before he gets to theRiver, it's always that one lil' troublesome Guard that surprises him and then it's another shootOut in theKoi pond till theExtractionBoat arrives!! sheeeesh, theSam!! news happening now, even if he's still NOT relevant!! theSam!! most popular now!!, even if only to himself!! d:oP theSam!! most shared now!!, if only as gossip amongst theVillagers!! just about every other day!! theSam!! totally unimpressed with ladyLiberty, as, her...

theSam!! Writes For The ADN!!     You should read this story from ADN's site, and see all theComments!! after, there's pages of 'em. Some comments are hilarious, and mostly poking fun at the way ADN writes things (as usual) and makes things sound, like, in this article, an actual pickup struck a woman whom was exiting a grocery store!! Here's the actual article cut and pasted-ed-eded by theSam!! ---------------- Pickup strikes woman exiting grocery store Anchorage Daily News Published: June 19th, 2009 09:29 PM Last Modified: June 19th, 2009 09:29 PM An 81-year-old Anchorage woman was critically injured Friday morning when a pickup struck her car as she was exiting the Carr's grocery store in Muldoon. Story tools Comments (18)  Recommend (0) E-mail a friend Print Share on Facebook Digg this Seed Newsvine Send link via AIM Follow on Twitter   Yahoo! Buzz Font size : A | A | A After the 9:45 a.m. accident, police closed southbound traffic on Muldoon Road at No...

UsedVillageCars w/theSam!! commentary of course...... --------------------- Used Car Lemons and Lemonade .print send e-mail this page http://autos.yahoo.com/articles/autos_content_landing_pages/1006/used-car-lemons-and-lemonade/;_ylc=X3oDMTE3N2Y4YmM3BF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwLXRvZGF5BHNsawN1c2VkLWxlbW9ucw-- IM this page Buzz Up! 143 votes By Jada A. Graves 2008 Chrysler Sebring Knowing where to place your bets with a used car can be tricky. The horror stories are all too common -- the pieced-together parts, the unexplained and unexpected sounds and smells, the bodies in the trunk ... and after describing Sam!!'s patrolCar, the bodies are right next to theBOOZE!! theHot!! passed out VillageChixxx!! bodies. Okay. Maybe the last one isn't quite as common. But buying used doesn't have to be such a gamble if you do your research. There's a wealth of online information available that can make it easier to avoid a lemon. With the federal government's vehicle d...

BaristaSam!! @ theJavaJunction!! / BS!!@tJJ!! Now taking reservations for theLocal Summer2009 Fishing & Camping Season . ( or at least, answering thePhones for a localVendor 2 days a week ALL summer long ) Please READ carefully before making ANY selections appropriate to you for your stay here with us, REMEMBER you can't do Everything!!, but like our villageChixxx!! You can do Everyone!! ----- - Date: (please Pick One!!) __ lateMay, and for your sakes, let's hope she's NOT late!! __ June, she's available but she doesn't sleep much due to theShortNights and endless days __ July, due to fire hazards in the wilderness adjacent to us, we will be banning all fireworks use in our CampGrounds, however, feel free to sneak next door (where our competition dwells) and lightEm up over there!! For an extra $10 fee (July Only) we'll let ya' know when dept of dfense satellites zoom overhead, that way, all you heavyHitters with your mortars, rockets, sam...

AlaskaVillageTales!! - AVT!! not only dragging You to hell, we're actually theOnes kicking & screaming!! - AVT!! what a concept!!, starting with "Not Quite clear...." (as in Not Quite Clear On theConcept...) - AVT!! over theHills!! and far away, while passed out on Your front Lawn - AVT!! sit back and cuss!!, just leave theVillage!! to us - AVT!! we not only tell theStory!!, we're IN It - AVT!! our perspective is very unique!!, even when we lose our glasses while drunk and squinting really hard at you .... wait.. That's just Sam!!, he's drinking again, - AVT!! theOnlySuspense out here, is when theJudge!! gives us SuspendedSentences!!, and of course, theO THER kind happens when we find someone hang themselves - AVT!! what ever you need!!, we needed it first AND our VillageChixxx!! already got it before you did. -AVT!! Ready..... Set...... Chug!! - AVT!! we have SerialKillers too, ours kill appleJax, tonyTheTiger, quakerOats!! etc, - AVT!! a place where e...

AlaskaVillageTales!! Presents “BaristaSam!! If You Think!! Seattle has it’s own dialect when it comes to ordering an espresso Drink - it does!! But theVillage!! Has it’s own dialect when it comes to ordering around theSam!! d:oP -BEEF it Up!! Another way of saying, "add another shot of espresso to my coffee?!", Wrong!! It's how an Inebriate talks when they're really mad at Sam!! "Beat him up!!" becomes, "Beef eht upp!!". And after a few day's of drinking and being angry at Sam!! "Baarfgh upp!!" becomes the newMantra of theNebe!! -CHER Sugar!! Is this a pack of Equal!? Nope. It's what a villageNebe!! (short for Inebriate) does when he shoves his girlFriend in your direction!! Of course, theSam!! has never had any sugar (of any kind) shared with him at all, unless!! Unless theVillage!! shares a drunkenPrisoner or two with theSam!! -a DOUBLE!! does this describe how many shots of Espresso a person wants in their drink?! (2 sho...

theSam!! sends an Email to Himself!!,   Actually it's just to test theEmail to Blogger option, that's probably been available to Sam!! for the last 3 yrs, but having had this Blog now for 5 yrs I still haven't read everything that's available to me to use. ------ - today Sam!! went jogging on the new asphalt pavement bike path that was installed here in theVillage!! back in 2005, it took me this long to USE the darn path cos, I didn't have a bike, but this time around, theVillageCouncil!! gave me special persmission to RUN on it,   they took one look at me, saw that I had lost a tremendous amount of weight and was in effect, LEAVING them for Army life and they approved just to get rid of me!!   -theCreek!! backed up again by gramma's house, it does that whenever theIce floe's pile up, or logs jam. *sigh*   I guess I'll have to help mom "relocate" theBodies, so that next year, during MeltOff, theRiver won't jam, well, gotta run, ...

as ripped from theMySpace site of a dear old friend!! Subject: Male Sensitivity Test Body: In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: A. Lovemaking. B. Screwing. C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. theSam!!Sez; In theVillage!!, theGirls just screw theLoveMaker while he takes his lil' foreskin to tunaTown!! You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared: A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. B. Your blood-test results. C. Five tequila slammers. theSam!!Knows, any womans views from just one Hug, and that during thePigskinTour, theBloodTesting / Sharing just kinda takes care of itself but theResults are kinda skewed due to theTequila, Vodka and Whiskey slammers!! You time your orgasm so that: A. Your partner climaxes first. B. You both climax simultaneously. C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center. theSam!!Confirms , actually, you wanna time things to when her Parents are not only using the...