Android

I posted this to an forum on theNet recently and am glad to see it finally posted up, as when I often write like this story 'Android' which follows.

like I did write like this a few more pieces AALL weekend and save to my Hard drive, this was theOnly piece that I had forgotten to SAVE first, then cut-n-paste.

I was so worried that theForumServer had lost it or rejected it.

I have found other former lds/mormon people that pretty much think like me,

many of them are very intellectual and critical of the lds church from that standpoint.

I don't have time to become an historian and find behind the scenes documentation regarding the past and present church leaders,

nor do I have the inclinations to do such things, because to me, the church was and is-and I'm quoting here- "an stepping stone."

it helped me become somebody that could stand on my own two feet and live in this predominantly WhiteControlled society of ours today,

the lds church believes in the book of mormon and calls it an ancestral record of the people of this American continent, namely MY own ancestors the Native Americans,

and in that light, of being added scripture to mankind, like theBible, I believe it.
but not as much anymore,

because I as an Lamanite brother or lamanite elder to many of my former church peers near and far,

do not see or feel the church's influence in my life as it is supposed to be, trust me when I say that I've tried to make it work,

and even to various friends and people in my past i've tried to reach out many times, but apparently this brand of christianity has no room for charity.

locally here in anchorage and nationally I've reached out to my friends, to no avail.

now I put my mind and heart into my Vocational work and press on in life without much thought of what made me Me!

without much thought to what helped me become the good man that I am today,

this phrase goes through me mind daily now, but with 3 added words.
"by their fruits In Your Life ye shall know them",

I'm sure that true Christians would recognize that phrase and understand it's meaning. for that is what God puts into my mind and heart at this time,

For this Native American, for Me, I have an rich heritage, an Noble past to be proud of, and to be an Christian still is an honored thing,

and I see many people struggle today around me with No direction and purpose in life, I can only say that living some form of Christianity will help you,

because an person does need an solid foundation in their life and Soul from which to stand on, from which to lean on time to time

and to me that foundation ISN'T the lds church.

It's the experiences I had as an infant and as an young child before I ever knew of basic lds teachings,

the lds church is the closest thing, to ME anyway, that resembles some of what I saw and experienced with my own personal dreams of God & Christ,

of my own visitations and with my own revelations I've received from God regarding MY OWN life,

I do not speak for anyone else, nor do I say that I have the one true religion, nor do I say that I have all the answers,

for i really don't, i have nothing and quite frankly-i am nothing.

I see today, that many people are against religion, and some are even totally against my lds religion of which I am still an member of, in name only,

that saddens me, but in other ways, I am glad that there are people that want to hold the lds church, theCorporation that it has become, accountable for things that it has done to many people,

and I'm all about accountability because this church does need to answer for what it has done to my people, theNatives. Some of us that tried to fit in and never made it need to know why?!

And it's more than thePrejudice people that were in leadership positions over me and around me, it's more than that.

For if an system isn't successful for Anybody, then it is inherently wrong, flawed and needs to be fixed or else scrapped entirely.

And that is where I am blessed to be; an Native first!! and an lds christian 2nd.

You can see that in my own life, I was brought up this church way and accepted it and even supported it for a time,

but in my own life, when following theDirectives and counsels of local and church leaderships, to attend the temple,

to lose oneself in church service, to give and give and give some more,
to sacrifice and to support the cause at all costs,

My life fell apart and some dear friends turned on me, and that hurt me deeply, and hardened me for the next series of events in my life,

consider that when something doesn't work for you, that it's time to move on.
And I've "moved on" over 20yrs ago and just now totally accepted what I've done.

It's very liberating to choose Not to live with an Oppressive, callous organization such as the lds church,

they don't think much of us "lamanites" anymore, us Natives don't matter to them at all, theWhites just cloister themselves together and keep out us Natives, mexicans and Samoans here in Anchorage.

I don't think that we people of Color ever did matter to this church, for we are still discriminated against Inside the church, we are still held back and kept away from being independent,

nothing good happens anymore with me or for me regarding this church,
it needs to change and stay within the guidelines of how a true church of Christ should be, to ALL it's members,

not to just theWhite members, not to just theEducated, wealthy and priviliged members,

so consider this, That by Their fruits ye shall know them.
This not only extends to people in the church, but to people who Don't go to any church,

it extends to anyone in your life, and it also applies to you & me as well.

That through it all, through the trials of life, that when ever we see another person down and depressed, or doing without, etc

we have a duty as Human beings to help that person.
we have a duty as possessors of WhatEver talent, trade, influence we hold to help others,

Lately in an circle of friends here in Anchorage,
I find myself out of theCircle, and it's not necessarily all their fault.

It's mine too, I could worry less about work and of not having $ 20 days of the month, or even eating I suppose,

But a few people don't return calls, don't acknowledge any phone pics I might send, don't comment upon any Violin sounds I send-stuff that may be trivial.

but to me who's giving Something at least, sharing and reaching out, and am ignored and overlooked, just the fact that I'm thinking of them is everything.

and I think the world of my friends here in Anchorage, in and out of uniform, in and out of jail!, in and out of employment.

but no one want wants to share their Kidz!, no one wants to get together and eat like they've promised to do, no one wants to go shooting like they said they would,

no one wants their hair done, no one wants to be a friend etc etc.
I'm sure we've all been there before, friends are fickle!!

but some friends are just Lame and they don't care and when that happens it's time to move on.

Because I've been there before with negative people, deadbeats and users in my life, I don't need any of that again and so I clean house, clean my phone contacts list and clean my heart out too.

But at least my hard life has prepared me for days such as this, for NOW.

To see theTrivial and theSerious in life and with various friends and know what it is that I'm facing and to know what to do about it.

I am prepared for this and for what I've seen lies ahead.

As an Native American, I've had my own experiences with Diety,
with theGreatSpirit, with God, and I have that to lean on.

And I've also had attendant blessings of the lds church brand of christianity as well in my life, and I'm doing good in life so far,

and now that I've stepped away from the church and do live without it in my life I'm doing better. There's still bills to pay, work isn't roses sometimes, friends are lame but I'm doing great.

I'm not successful in the church ways I wanted to be, but am a success story nonetheless and that's what matters the most,

to stand up and be immoveable, to stand up and be counted,
in the end it's what God really wants of us anyway,

just consider him. see all that he has done for us and for all mankind, it takes a very loving person,

an strong personality of loving kindness to deal with ungrateful people and He's been dealing with us ungrateful people for thousands of years,

as much as I consider it my Sacred honor to always keep in my heart, mind, soul and body theSacredCalling of PublicSafety,

I must now and forever stand such as this and write my experiences,
I must tell what happens to people like me, whom for now are cast aside and overlooked,

and I don't care whom amongst family, friends and enemies doesn't like what I post.
I have a voice, and you do too,

I am here and I will not go away. I will one day claim what was meant to be mine in the first place.

I am one of those "Lamanites", an Native American with roots and claim to both an Red heritage and an adopted White past. I have been brought up to stand on my own and to lead others. There are others like me out there, I will find them.

we are here, we will not go away, we will one day reclaim what was meant to be ours in the first place,

as this Blog says, all characters are fictional yet based on real events!!
here's my latest piece.

-----------------------
Android

she was Darling, charming and sweet, an Beauty school teacher of mine.

an TBM/true believing mormon of sorts, whom in one minute would Temple talk with me, an fresh home RM/returned missionary!! and then theNext minute would point her Silk applique'd fingers

at an beauty schoolSlut of theMoment and trash talk, albeit with a sweet smile on her face and her blue eyes sunBeaming for him!! (jesus probably)

I'd heard that an hubby of hers, at one time, had been unfaithful to her,
which probably explained why she hated Men so!!
which probably explained why she hated & loved me.

when you're in theHeart of Mormondum (Mormondom like Idaho when I went to Beauty school), or at least a majority of theCommunity is lds, you get to act pretty much any way you please,

consider that I've always been theOddManOut!! on several occasions in my life,

and after returning home from my Mishon, then spending an year at RicksCollege/byu-Idaho sitting around and Drawing basically anything that moved,

I'd decided to channel my Artistic reaches into Cosmetology.

I should have gone into theWeldingProgram or perhaps Automotive Engine Repair and Diagnostics!?

as one Ricks Automotive instructor was hitting us new students up for changing Majors and even met with me and Picked me Up, drove me to Tour theShop on Campus.

But I was true to "Mom", my own dear mother that birthed me. For I had been with her most of my life, aside from being away on lds Placement,

and when she went to some VoTech training and became a Nurse,
I said that I'd learn theMedical trade and take care of people too,

and when I was on my lds Mishon, Mom was in Beauty school and that is where I met all the wonderful lds oriented staff and assistants at the place where I would later spend an entire year learning theArt of HairBurning!!

msDarling was a SouthernBelle,
Pink cheeks and jowls that shook pleasantly on her beautiful face when ever she Moved,

if she wasn't filing her Gel or Silk nails, she'd be biting them, Nibbling with her small heart shaped lips,

spouting uplifting churchThemed thoughts and racial epitaths one after another,

It's people like her, msDarling, that stand out in my life YEARS later when I am far from their influence and when I am in hard situations,

in my mind, various people stand beside me, egging me on to Think!!, to Decide!! and to Trust!! in myself,

or most of them, true to their CoreCharacters, just egg me on.

Fast Forward a few years later,
past theMilitary and it's Growth filled, trying experiences.

And just at theEnd of my Seattle MassageSchool training years.

It was Seattle WA, a cool evening in early Fall.
And I was Booth renting inside an busy HairSalon,

I had, by now, cut my Salon-teeth working for a couple of ChainSalon outfits and had dealt with each experience as best I could,

Always keeping in mind that SalonClients often come to our place for Solace,

for Comfort and Relaxation, and Not to forget theMostImportant thing of all.... toGossip!!

From time to time, this ShampooBoy would be washing and conditioning theHair of some Well-to-Did!! matron in theShampooBowl

or else would be Fluffin'& Foldin' towels in the back room and I would hear an familiar Giggle and Chuckle,

I'd take that as a sign that I was about to have an Interesting Client come in theDoor,

or else that one of my Girl friends of theMoment was really pissed off at me and plotting revenge.

"Sam!?"
It was msKristi, an slim Slender reed of aGirl with two Cantaloup sized boobs in her Playtex,

"Client for you", she winked, turned and strutted away back to theFrontDesk,

I'd seen Kristi's freckles between her boobs and along her back, and basically anywhere else an swimsuit had covered her up because she also let me Massage her,

it seemed that every place I'd go I just couldn't resist theUrge to say that I had just completed Massage training and "do you have a minute?!"

theGirls would spin around and receive Impromptu shoulder & neck work from me,

I loved being this style of CareGiver and still let some Female friends enjoy this from me today-2007.

She stood up front looking into an Oversize salon Photo book.

Those magical, whimsical books with Models and oftimes, REAL people's pics inside showing "Before & After" photos.

How I hated those books!!

Because in Beauty school we learned that not Every hairStyle fit Every client
due to the shape of their Face and their Neck length,

their Age, their lifeStyle and perhaps their Income too if an certain procedure took a long time or was otherWise expensive,

I had learned to prefer just looking at a Woman first and seeing how she wore her Hair and then just cutting it shorter,

leaving it theSame way, with NO drastic changes.
As, an Month earlier I'd had an TBM/truebelievingmormon lady come to me for an haircut,

But she didn't like it because I cut one small section of Locks about an inch too short,

which left an "ugly step that made her look bad",

or at least, in her own sobbing words she quoted that.

But get this!!

this woman had sat in my Salon chair, with her One-length Bob styled hair,

with a Side part that made theLong Pieces onTop of her head HHAANNGG all theWay OOVVEERR to theOther side of her head and created an "edge",

an overHang, or as in theSalon Industry, an "weightLine" anyway and after I was finished with her Style,

she let theTears flow and basically she got an free Service, cried all theWay out to her car,

I know she was TBM, cos later on I saw her fighting with herKidz in theGym at an local churchStakeConference,

She was so shocked to see me, theOne that cut her hair, and at that moment, she looked great,

you'd thought she'd learned of theJournalofDiscourses, learned of Helen M. Kimball,

or basically read of anything antiMormon that was actually written by an TBM!! all in one fall of her white flushed face,

I walked out of theGym and vowed to never ever let an Client get away with that Free service scheme again in theSalon,

Walking up to theFront of theSalon I introduced myself to Ann.

She was a small white woman, of European ancestry, with
short Blonde hair, lean body and her arms were semi folded in front of her,

like she was Cold, but she was just nervous and apprehensive of this Salon visit,

We Consulted, and I took her to theShampooBowl.

"Ha!!, didja even bother to read that TeeGee technical book that you bought last week?!" msDarling was sitting in theEmpty station across from me,

Filing her nails and she blew a cloud of nail dust off her Digits to emphasize "week?!".

"come one Mister, think hard" she Clacked her gum and pulled out an large 12" comb from her pocket,

It had 2" long teeth and had 1" markings along theSide, an technicalComb that she had Sold to us Beauty school students years ago,

I had lost mine along theWay, probably lost it in one EastSeattle salon when some blackGirls stole my jars of honeyWax,

for not everything was Beautiful within theBeautyIndustry,
Even in college at Ricks/byu-Idaho, just after my mishon,

some of theDorm girls that were assigned to us Dorm men and became our "family",

became infatuated with me, an Lamanite brother and they "kidnapped" me one evening and we drove 45mins to go rollerSkating,

("lamanite" is the lds word that pretty much describes any and all Native Americans, as in the church's eyes, historically and culturally we are blessed and very special to them, but lately-Ha!! I've seen the church back away from how good they used to treat us Natives)

I loved that night, listening to HeavyMetal music on theWay to skate and then quietly sleeping on the way back to College,

those ldsGirls were sweet, naive like me of course regarding Life, and their petty squabbles that we "men" were privileged to see,

was absolutly nothing when compared to the year later when I went to Beauty school,

and sat around in theStudentLounge with theGirls!!, theWomen students and as they smoked their Kools, their Kamels and flasked their Kianti

they'd banter and joke in front of me, and gradually did accept my presence in their midst,

I learned first hand,,erh.. First Bowel!! really.
theHard way that these ldsGirls, whom were FAR far from church standards

were capable of low deeds, for one day when I was spotted talking and chatting with another Clique of Girls outside in theAlley way during Class break,

those SchoolGirlz got together and brought Cookies and other Sweets to school,

passed them around and ate loudly,

I took a few cookies offered to me and said thanks, went on about my day,

and POOPED all weekend too!!

silly girls, looking back on it though, even some of those studentGirls that liked me got into it with those that made me Sick,

it wasn't pretty at all, trust me, if it weren't required of Man to be with Woman for Survival, love, companionship I'd be first in Line for WhatEver!! would replace them,

oh wait....

I am here, Online, it's called theInternet and I'm typing this story while my paidDownload from Wipped womenz finishes downloading, (I'm joking by theWay!!, you can find anything on theInet for free)

neverMind, myBad!!

msDarling picked up an waterSquirt bottle and shot a Spritz in my direction, Giggling and snickering like she always did when she was up to Mischief,

by then I was finished with Shampooing Ann's hair,

we went back to my SalonStation and because my fingers were too big to pick up any 1" short hairs along theBack and sides of her head,

I used theBiggest comb I had and used that instead,

"see?!, msDarling smiled at me, putting her Blonde-head close as she inspected theWork I did,

"you know what to do, just like your churchBlessing said about you being able to know what to do underAll conditions and circumstances"

I still can't believe the things I shared with that woman!! because she seemed sweet at first,

and I'm sure she still is, but some Women just can't be happy and won't ever be a friend of yours no matter how hard you BOTH may try,

But I still cherish those memories, because at least I never had to see her Nude,

nor have I ever waxed her labia and butt,

nor have I ever had to do other SpaWetWorks upon her,

thank you jeebus!!, thank you Mod!! thank you thank you!!

I ended up moving into Ann's place out in theCountry side later that Month in Seattle,

she was looking for a trusted Roomie or two to look after her place when she traveled,

for she was an OnCall Nurse with an California based homeCare company,

she traveled extensively and attended to her Wealthy, aged clients 24/7 for weeks on end till she flew back to Seattle to rest,

the time I spent with Ann was fun, was so worth it.
and writings regarding HER will be committed to Online Blogs later,

I say "Android" as this writings Title,
for Ann did call herself by that pet name,

and she theFleshy woman upon my Massage table,
a friend to hug and squeeze Impromptu while watching tv together in the evenings,

she was Anything but mindless, anything but unfeeling.

she theTraveling Nurse did have to step back inside herself and stay awake days on end for her Clients,

And msDarling had to face her Students each day in beautySchool,

had to face her own fears, her own predelictions for dishing out dirt and Gold to her peers

and she stood head & shoulders above everyone-in my Opinion
just because she took no shit from anyone,

msDarling's raw honesty and strength I depend upon over 2 decades later,

and people say that Women are theWeaker sex, I think they are Not.

Maybe msDarling was the first android I met in life,
maybe she too compartmentalized her feelings and experiences,

her kindness and charity, her cattyness and snippity personality,

just went on AutoPilot during hard times of her life,
like I've had to do when times got rough for me.

Maybe I was the first android that took everything in around me and stored in memory files theExperiences.

Anything ldsChurch related, anything school related, anything I saw and heard during my 4 decades on this earth,

Maybe I'm really circuitry and wire inside?!

I remember an college Roomy would play Styxx music every Sunday before church meetings,

"domo aragato mr Roboto!!" would blare from his dorm room every week for 4 months until I went back the last semester and got assigned to a new dorm room,

Maybe God/theGreatSpirit/theFates were telling me what I was at the time-an Android.

slflyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
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as submitted to Recovery from Mormonism

luvs,
theSam!!