Who Wants to be an Villageaire!!
Who Wants To Be an Village-aire!!
From thePages of Sam!!, Read some text regarding excellent Villaged!! customer service and then Pick (1) / One / Unos of the four Options at the end,
In other words,
What would you do?!
Sam On!!
------------------------------
Who Wants to Be an Village-Error!!
theYVC Inc (doh!!) VPSO training teaches that the goal is to make every HoldingCellGuest!!
-wait until they’re practically IndianFancyDancing, moving their feet MoonWalking so fast to Pee before letting them have an restroom break.
-laugh so hard at theVPSO’s silly jokes and then cry from being OC sprayed
-have an experience that will have them up late at night to early next morn’ “Drinking” to calm down from the memories of dealing with You theOfficer!!
-an Repeat Guest with Baton Stars hands on service, Victim’s Door to Cell-Door Limo service,
theMost talkative HoldingCell Guest is a
-Repeat Guest, often 2 arrests and charges in the same week for assaulting the same Girl!!, and they loudly state and restate their Innocence and jabber on and on threatening you
-guest who doesn’t eat much but pines long and loud for an “Cold One” to “quench their Thirst”, so you keep some of their Alcohol and put it safely out of Reach of them and just watch them go nuts
-an VillageElder, an Sr citizen whom has been around for years Importing, Drinking, Assaulting and getting away with it all, Hoping to convince you of their Innocence and that they’re not really theBad Guy here because You Are!!
-an Bag of Chips eater!! Someone with a “smoking” problem and after theHigh wears off, they need to keep themselves occupied and so they think that You want to Talk!!
95 % of your HoldingCell Guests say this is the reason they will return to stay with YOU...
-clean bathrooms (Cleaned via their Shirts & jackets) and you Know Their Name!!
-Black “turtleSkinned” Gloved CheckIn & BodySearch and White Styrofoam cup Room Service!!
-man I got a Thirst!!, whatcha got to drink Cuz!?, whoo?, that stupid Cop?!, it wasn’t nothing when he caught me last.....oh man. When I get home to that Beetch, I’ma rough her Up!! She got all my smokes...
-I’m a Villager and will always be a Villager!!
Totally unRemarkable Village service begins with:
-YOU theOfficer hearing gunShots at 0200hrs, jostling awake briefly and then going back to sleep till Noon the following day
-other Officers in theVillage down River that should have arrested theTroublemakers before they got to Your Village!!
-lunch time with theVillageElders followed by followUp visits to all theCute Hung-over Chicks to check on your / their cute Infants, Toddlers & Children
-a much needed dinner time break 60miles down theRoad at the next Village lodge as you check out whom is buying Booze at theLodgeBar
Inebriate / Transient Village!! Team members need to prepare before theVPSO’s nightly patrol shifts so they can make:
-big boisterous talk to each other before leaving their houses headed off to Drink and drug in theVillage!!
-excuses for why their Lives are so fucked up and why everything just sucks once they end up in Cuffs&Custody crying their eyes out about why their Lives are so fu......
-their hair, T-shirt and dark jeans look good. After all, theOfficers are going to end up recording their Images on camera
-a positive first impression upon theGround or in theSnow when theVPSO takes them down effecting Detention and Arrest after they ( theITV’s) get Violent
VPSO quick serviced Villages lose Residents (to Arrest and Transport) 60% of the time because of
-Officer friends influence from amongst sober Villagers that truly want to help fight against Alcohol in flow to theVillage
-an Attitude of Indifference on part of theLocal Leaders and theVillageCouncil and of most Villagers in general because as long as theOfficer hasn’t given up, theWork continues
-VillageChick!! disatisfaction with Local Village-man product being chronically Drunk, Unemployed and with overall shitty attitude about life
-City financed housing Competition offering 3 square meals a day, clean sheets, medical&dental!!
To discover what a HoldingCell Guest wants or needs you need to:
-communicate by first getting their complete attention via 2Million CandlePower light then letting them ride 50K volts of Taser, followed up by gently taking them by theRestrained hands and seeing them safely to the back of your Duty Vehicle
-look at the POS / piece of shit and make some honest assessments and judgements regarding theImmediate crime of Assault at hand and figure out Why they did that in the first place, then Interview theVictim, witnesses etc
-look at their prior history records in your files or what’s faxed to you from theState
-wait for them to sober up or come-Down and regain their senses so they can speak clearly and coherently
theFinal step in the 4 stages of theSam!!‘s customer service cycle flow-sheet diagram are:
1. toUnscabbard theBaton and connect with Soft-tissue and bone,
2. toDiscover that perhaps if theVictim is in theProcess of fighting back her Attacker and laying pain & hurt, that “maybe you did hear some screaming coming from some other part of theHouse” and go to investigate
3. to take Immediate and Definitive Action in hard Use of Force and to Detain all Violent participants and
4. to Exceed.....?
-the AMA guidelines regarding administration of Pain Affliction and theInHibition of Resultant Cellular breakDown and Cellular repair transactions
-theBagLimit on number of Prisoners caught per day
-all customer service expectations as to keep on attracting and retaining more future HoldingCell Guests by ensuring there’s plenty of PristineWhite FlexiCuffs, extra ThumbCuffs on hand and that theSideSaddle carry of theShotGun has plenty of HollowPoint slugs to include theButtpad shell carry too
-theFDA / food & drug admin, DRA / daily recommended allowances of PopTarts & Milk after all prisoners are locked up
During theTissue and Bone “connect stage” of theCustomerServiceCycle you want theHoldingCell Guest to feel:
-welcomed, wanted!!, Needed in your Holding Cell and that your place in theVillage wouldn’t exist without their shenanigans and mayhem, so much that everyday you practice mentally and with your tools to keep your CSC skills sharp
-Never Ever feel hurried and rushed as they are Hurried and Rushed from theCrime / Detention scene in cuffs and leg irons, You want their admirers in theVillage!! to see them in their ShiningMoment so you motorcade around theVillage with them in custody
-as sick as you might temporarily feel with every tissue crunching blow and metallic thud that you apply to get them to stop their Assaults upon another person or upon You
-bored, dispassionate and / or to still be deep within their Drug induced haze / fog
When handling an HoldingCell Guest complaint, the first two things you should do is:
-blame a coworker, like that fellow Officer down theRiver for not taking care of an problem in Their Village before it spilled over into Yours, sending off accusing phone calls, scathing E-mails and even an Post card!!
-say “it wasn’t me, I didn’t do it!!” before reminding them that they took theDrugs of their own accord which eventually led them to You
-blame the mother and father figure of the person in your custody
-acknowledge and apologize for theBad decisions and stupidity of your HCG (Not!!)
The last thing an VillageInebriate / Transient team member should say to an VPSO / VPO when the Officers are leaving theHouse / theSituation at hand is:
-good luck in catching me next time!!
-thank you, no need to ever say this, as honestly. Criminals that act up need to be Thanked deeply by all LEO’s. Seriously, criminals of any City / Village stripe keep us Employed!!
-come back tomorrow!!
-Get the hell out of my house!!
The succesful QuickServed!! Village Tour Guide
-asks for tips from people Outside theVillage!!, so that they can find new ways to BootLeg, Imbibe and otherwise Pull theWool over theEyes of theVPSO and other Sober people
-makes Visiting Tourist Customers feel appreciated and welcome into theVillage!! by breaking into their SUV’s, their expensive Camper shells and RV’s, peeing all over theInterior and vandalizing inside & out
-wants to be an Village Idle!! and just sit around at his friends house all day long and then wander off to another house in theVillage!! to sit all night and drink, day after day after day after week after month after Year after Year after YEAR
-TipToes around theSleeping Officer and his Hunny
As an VillageChick!! to be extremely awesome at Suggestive Selling you have to
-Sell your soul, Bare your soul to theVPSO among other things
-Think selling yourself is being too pushy but then you push yourself into his arms, his home, his vehicle, his Life, his bankAccount and into his Mouth!!
-know your Own menu!! How to display it, carry it, flaunt it, serve it, preserve it and make ‘em pay for it!!
-say “see These!?” and push theKiddz out from hiding behind you and hope that theOfficer makes an connection with them, thus removing you from Suspicion basically “ForEver!!”
the Importation Success Habits of Highly SuccesfulVillagers!! emails that your VIT team members receive helps to-Create flame wars amongst your friends and family and then someone gets upstaged enough to fire off an email to theCop!!, thus ruining any chances of you further implementing various BootLegging strategies
-improve food quality and quantity when copiously giving to theVPSO / VPO and / or when actually “spoonFeeding” them any time you see them, regardless if you’re Sober or Inebriate!!, Undressed even.
-reinforce the learningCurve amongst all those InnerCircle friends that have so far, joined you in theHospital and subsequent Rehab & PhysicalTherapy after repeatedly meeting up with your Village Officer
-fill up your E-mail Inbox with Spam and give your friends another reason to visit your myWebsite Face page
Black Markered and Sharpie pen marked Customer Service Training Billboard display privileges is intended for theHot Young establishments that want to “Markedly” improve Family Importation Service and Increase Product sales so that Competition:
-drops the ball, turns tail and runs due to your apparent level of “Being Owned!!” after a hard night of Partying with your friends and they get creative with Markers, Whipped Cream, Duct Tape and disposable Razors
-will go bankrupt and bellyUp in theVillage!! thus establishing You, theVPSO’s girlfriend(s) as sole Established Product Distributors and Oasis providers in theRegion
-Will lose Customers because of enhanced Officer service upon their particular Domiciles and upon their Village population Demographic
-will just flat out go away!!
-----------------------------
theSam!!
slflyinghorse
theVillage!!, Alaska
From thePages of Sam!!, Read some text regarding excellent Villaged!! customer service and then Pick (1) / One / Unos of the four Options at the end,
In other words,
What would you do?!
Sam On!!
------------------------------
Who Wants to Be an Village-Error!!
theYVC Inc (doh!!) VPSO training teaches that the goal is to make every HoldingCellGuest!!
-wait until they’re practically IndianFancyDancing, moving their feet MoonWalking so fast to Pee before letting them have an restroom break.
-laugh so hard at theVPSO’s silly jokes and then cry from being OC sprayed
-have an experience that will have them up late at night to early next morn’ “Drinking” to calm down from the memories of dealing with You theOfficer!!
-an Repeat Guest with Baton Stars hands on service, Victim’s Door to Cell-Door Limo service,
theMost talkative HoldingCell Guest is a
-Repeat Guest, often 2 arrests and charges in the same week for assaulting the same Girl!!, and they loudly state and restate their Innocence and jabber on and on threatening you
-guest who doesn’t eat much but pines long and loud for an “Cold One” to “quench their Thirst”, so you keep some of their Alcohol and put it safely out of Reach of them and just watch them go nuts
-an VillageElder, an Sr citizen whom has been around for years Importing, Drinking, Assaulting and getting away with it all, Hoping to convince you of their Innocence and that they’re not really theBad Guy here because You Are!!
-an Bag of Chips eater!! Someone with a “smoking” problem and after theHigh wears off, they need to keep themselves occupied and so they think that You want to Talk!!
95 % of your HoldingCell Guests say this is the reason they will return to stay with YOU...
-clean bathrooms (Cleaned via their Shirts & jackets) and you Know Their Name!!
-Black “turtleSkinned” Gloved CheckIn & BodySearch and White Styrofoam cup Room Service!!
-man I got a Thirst!!, whatcha got to drink Cuz!?, whoo?, that stupid Cop?!, it wasn’t nothing when he caught me last.....oh man. When I get home to that Beetch, I’ma rough her Up!! She got all my smokes...
-I’m a Villager and will always be a Villager!!
Totally unRemarkable Village service begins with:
-YOU theOfficer hearing gunShots at 0200hrs, jostling awake briefly and then going back to sleep till Noon the following day
-other Officers in theVillage down River that should have arrested theTroublemakers before they got to Your Village!!
-lunch time with theVillageElders followed by followUp visits to all theCute Hung-over Chicks to check on your / their cute Infants, Toddlers & Children
-a much needed dinner time break 60miles down theRoad at the next Village lodge as you check out whom is buying Booze at theLodgeBar
Inebriate / Transient Village!! Team members need to prepare before theVPSO’s nightly patrol shifts so they can make:
-big boisterous talk to each other before leaving their houses headed off to Drink and drug in theVillage!!
-excuses for why their Lives are so fucked up and why everything just sucks once they end up in Cuffs&Custody crying their eyes out about why their Lives are so fu......
-their hair, T-shirt and dark jeans look good. After all, theOfficers are going to end up recording their Images on camera
-a positive first impression upon theGround or in theSnow when theVPSO takes them down effecting Detention and Arrest after they ( theITV’s) get Violent
VPSO quick serviced Villages lose Residents (to Arrest and Transport) 60% of the time because of
-Officer friends influence from amongst sober Villagers that truly want to help fight against Alcohol in flow to theVillage
-an Attitude of Indifference on part of theLocal Leaders and theVillageCouncil and of most Villagers in general because as long as theOfficer hasn’t given up, theWork continues
-VillageChick!! disatisfaction with Local Village-man product being chronically Drunk, Unemployed and with overall shitty attitude about life
-City financed housing Competition offering 3 square meals a day, clean sheets, medical&dental!!
To discover what a HoldingCell Guest wants or needs you need to:
-communicate by first getting their complete attention via 2Million CandlePower light then letting them ride 50K volts of Taser, followed up by gently taking them by theRestrained hands and seeing them safely to the back of your Duty Vehicle
-look at the POS / piece of shit and make some honest assessments and judgements regarding theImmediate crime of Assault at hand and figure out Why they did that in the first place, then Interview theVictim, witnesses etc
-look at their prior history records in your files or what’s faxed to you from theState
-wait for them to sober up or come-Down and regain their senses so they can speak clearly and coherently
theFinal step in the 4 stages of theSam!!‘s customer service cycle flow-sheet diagram are:
1. toUnscabbard theBaton and connect with Soft-tissue and bone,
2. toDiscover that perhaps if theVictim is in theProcess of fighting back her Attacker and laying pain & hurt, that “maybe you did hear some screaming coming from some other part of theHouse” and go to investigate
3. to take Immediate and Definitive Action in hard Use of Force and to Detain all Violent participants and
4. to Exceed.....?
-the AMA guidelines regarding administration of Pain Affliction and theInHibition of Resultant Cellular breakDown and Cellular repair transactions
-theBagLimit on number of Prisoners caught per day
-all customer service expectations as to keep on attracting and retaining more future HoldingCell Guests by ensuring there’s plenty of PristineWhite FlexiCuffs, extra ThumbCuffs on hand and that theSideSaddle carry of theShotGun has plenty of HollowPoint slugs to include theButtpad shell carry too
-theFDA / food & drug admin, DRA / daily recommended allowances of PopTarts & Milk after all prisoners are locked up
During theTissue and Bone “connect stage” of theCustomerServiceCycle you want theHoldingCell Guest to feel:
-welcomed, wanted!!, Needed in your Holding Cell and that your place in theVillage wouldn’t exist without their shenanigans and mayhem, so much that everyday you practice mentally and with your tools to keep your CSC skills sharp
-Never Ever feel hurried and rushed as they are Hurried and Rushed from theCrime / Detention scene in cuffs and leg irons, You want their admirers in theVillage!! to see them in their ShiningMoment so you motorcade around theVillage with them in custody
-as sick as you might temporarily feel with every tissue crunching blow and metallic thud that you apply to get them to stop their Assaults upon another person or upon You
-bored, dispassionate and / or to still be deep within their Drug induced haze / fog
When handling an HoldingCell Guest complaint, the first two things you should do is:
-blame a coworker, like that fellow Officer down theRiver for not taking care of an problem in Their Village before it spilled over into Yours, sending off accusing phone calls, scathing E-mails and even an Post card!!
-say “it wasn’t me, I didn’t do it!!” before reminding them that they took theDrugs of their own accord which eventually led them to You
-blame the mother and father figure of the person in your custody
-acknowledge and apologize for theBad decisions and stupidity of your HCG (Not!!)
The last thing an VillageInebriate / Transient team member should say to an VPSO / VPO when the Officers are leaving theHouse / theSituation at hand is:
-good luck in catching me next time!!
-thank you, no need to ever say this, as honestly. Criminals that act up need to be Thanked deeply by all LEO’s. Seriously, criminals of any City / Village stripe keep us Employed!!
-come back tomorrow!!
-Get the hell out of my house!!
The succesful QuickServed!! Village Tour Guide
-asks for tips from people Outside theVillage!!, so that they can find new ways to BootLeg, Imbibe and otherwise Pull theWool over theEyes of theVPSO and other Sober people
-makes Visiting Tourist Customers feel appreciated and welcome into theVillage!! by breaking into their SUV’s, their expensive Camper shells and RV’s, peeing all over theInterior and vandalizing inside & out
-wants to be an Village Idle!! and just sit around at his friends house all day long and then wander off to another house in theVillage!! to sit all night and drink, day after day after day after week after month after Year after Year after YEAR
-TipToes around theSleeping Officer and his Hunny
As an VillageChick!! to be extremely awesome at Suggestive Selling you have to
-Sell your soul, Bare your soul to theVPSO among other things
-Think selling yourself is being too pushy but then you push yourself into his arms, his home, his vehicle, his Life, his bankAccount and into his Mouth!!
-know your Own menu!! How to display it, carry it, flaunt it, serve it, preserve it and make ‘em pay for it!!
-say “see These!?” and push theKiddz out from hiding behind you and hope that theOfficer makes an connection with them, thus removing you from Suspicion basically “ForEver!!”
the Importation Success Habits of Highly SuccesfulVillagers!! emails that your VIT team members receive helps to-Create flame wars amongst your friends and family and then someone gets upstaged enough to fire off an email to theCop!!, thus ruining any chances of you further implementing various BootLegging strategies
-improve food quality and quantity when copiously giving to theVPSO / VPO and / or when actually “spoonFeeding” them any time you see them, regardless if you’re Sober or Inebriate!!, Undressed even.
-reinforce the learningCurve amongst all those InnerCircle friends that have so far, joined you in theHospital and subsequent Rehab & PhysicalTherapy after repeatedly meeting up with your Village Officer
-fill up your E-mail Inbox with Spam and give your friends another reason to visit your myWebsite Face page
Black Markered and Sharpie pen marked Customer Service Training Billboard display privileges is intended for theHot Young establishments that want to “Markedly” improve Family Importation Service and Increase Product sales so that Competition:
-drops the ball, turns tail and runs due to your apparent level of “Being Owned!!” after a hard night of Partying with your friends and they get creative with Markers, Whipped Cream, Duct Tape and disposable Razors
-will go bankrupt and bellyUp in theVillage!! thus establishing You, theVPSO’s girlfriend(s) as sole Established Product Distributors and Oasis providers in theRegion
-Will lose Customers because of enhanced Officer service upon their particular Domiciles and upon their Village population Demographic
-will just flat out go away!!
-----------------------------
theSam!!
slflyinghorse
theVillage!!, Alaska
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